Life With Jack

Uncertain

2011-03-19T19:00:00.000-05:00

I am being forced to be still. To sit in a chair and be still. My sick son is sleeping on the couch next to me, and I am afraid to move. If I move, I might wake him up. And that would be one of the worst things that could happen right now. Jack has had the flu (like, honest-to-goodness influenza) for two days and he hasn't slept much. Up at 2:30 am yesterday and up at 3:30 am today. And by some weird stay-awake-strength, he managed to not take a nap at all yesterday. Maybe that will be a skill that will come in handy through his college years.

Apparently, being still does not come easy for me. I keep thinking of all of the things I should be doing. Vacuuming, baking banana bread, disinfecting my entire house, starting on the mountain of laundry in my room...I could go on. But...here I sit. Being still.

There is so much I want to write about. Autism. School. Behavior. More autism. But, as I am sitting here, being still, there is something inside of me that is refusing to be still. Literally. There is a baby inside of me that will not be still. She is pushing and kicking and punching and I am watching my belly jump with her movements.

It is so bizarre to me. Why did God choose to bless us with another baby? Why did He wait until now? I am SO thankful for this pregnancy and am amazed at what a miracle it is. But at the same time, we had finally come to a place where we were starting to accept the fact that we would only have one child. We started talking about what our life would look like with only one. We came to appreciate the fact that we wouldn't have to "start over" with a newborn. We started talking about plans for the future with an only child. There were times when I felt an actual peace about the whole thing. The desire to have a baby would slowly diminish - a day here, a day there. Especially given the fact that God gave us an exceptionally needy child (sorry, there's no other way to put it) in the first place. Life with Jack is challenging and now I find myself imagining those challenging days PLUS a newborn. I imagine Jack having a meltdown and a baby screaming in the background. I think of how exhausted I am at the end of a tough day and how it takes everything in me just to peel myself off the couch to go to bed. How in the world am I going to take care of a baby? I don't doubt that I have the skills to do it...but I wonder if I'll be able to do it and stay sane. If I'll be able to effectively parent a special needs child and a baby.

And that's where I am. On one hand, feeling SO very excited and blessed and thankful to have this miracle in our lives. On the other hand, feeling very nervous, scared, and uncertain about what is going to happen in 3 short months.

I'm Over Here

2011-01-02T10:33:00.002-06:00

The New Year has brought a new resolution for our family - (almost) no eating out! So, we've started a new blog to help with accountability and a place to put our thoughts.

Join us over there! (I still hope to post at this blog from time to time....it's just a matter of finding the time.) :)

Six Days of "Eating In"

Fire!

2010-11-09T14:47:00.003-06:00

Within the last few months, Jack has become very interested in fire, fire fighters, fire trucks, fire alarms, smoke alarms, fire departments...I think you get the idea. And by "very" interested, I mean - that's all he talks about. Anyone with a kid on the autism spectrum knows that when your kid becomes interested in something, it quickly moves from interest to obsession. His MOPS class was recently visited by the fire truck and fireman and he absolutely loved it. Then his preschool class was also visited by the same fire truck and fireman! And then they had an accidental fire alarm at school. (Yeah. Awesome. They were fixing the roof and accidentally set off the alarm.) And then our smoke detector went off at home (more on that later). But, the thing is, he also has a little bit of fear surrounding the loud noises that come with fire trucks/fire fighters/fire alarms, etc. So with that fear comes the constant talking to reduce his anxiety. We drive by our local fire station quite often and there is a big banner outside the building that reminds people to change the batteries in their smoke detectors. On the sign, it reads "beep, beep, beep!" Here is an example of what Jack might say every time we drive past this sign -

"Mommy, do you see that sign? It says "beep, beep, beep" because that's the sound that the smoke alarm makes when there's a fire. I want to practice when there's a fire at our house and I can crawl down low and feel the door with the back of my hand and you can press the button on the smoke detector and we can practice. Is there a fire truck outside? If there is a real fire at our house the fire truck will come to our house and they will put the fire out and they will park the fire truck by our house. Is that what our smoke alarm says? Beep, beep, beep? That's what the sign says because that's what the smoke alarm says. Why does the sign say "beep beep beep?" Why does it say that? Can we go to the fire station and look at the fire trucks and spray the hoses and talk to the firemen? Can we go now? Please mommy? I want to go to the fire station now. Why can't we go now? You have to tell me why. I want to go now. I want to go to the fire station now."

Again, I am so thankful for his verbal skills, but it is exhausting!

So...back to the smoke detector going off at home. Yesterday the fire alarm went off accidentally at school. His special ed teacher let us know that it happened and said that Jack handled it really well. He covered his ears and they went outside and then they went back in and talked about it. Jack talked about it all evening. :) This morning, while I was getting ready in the bathroom, Jack was talking to me about the smoke detector that's in our hallway, right outside the bathroom door. He was asking me if I could "test" it and make it beep. He's been making this request a lot lately - Lonnie had just "tested" it for him last night, so I told him that I wouldn't be testing it this morning - we already knew that it worked fine. So, Jack talked about the smoke detector a little longer and then just kind of stood there as I was still getting ready in the bathroom. No more than 2 minutes after our conversation, the smoke detector went off! WEIRD. Normal, smoke alarm beeping. Not the "dead battery" beep, but a regular, going off beeping. Poor Jack jumped out of his skin, started crying and yelling and RAN to the garage door. I turned the alarm off and reassured him that there wasn't a fire and that we were OK. He kept saying "I thought there was a real fire in our house." Poor kid! We took the battery out of the smoke detector just to reassure him that it wouldn't go off again. But, honestly, why in the world did it go off just minutes after him talking about "testing" it? So so so so so strange.

My dad is a retired firefighter (currently he's teaching), so I think he'll be pretty happy to know about Jack's new obsession. Maybe he'll have some connections so we can get Jack a ride in a fire truck one of these days. :)

Choices, choices (Holiday Cards!)

2010-11-02T14:48:00.006-05:00

I recently found out that I have the opportunity to discuss some of Shutterfly's holiday cards and get the chance to get 50 of my own free cards. Woohoo! So, the minute I got to Shutterfly's holiday card page, I kept thinking, "oh, I like that one! oh, I like this one!" I really don't know how I'm going to choose when it comes down to it. They have so many adorable designs.

For starters, I am loving this one -

I really like the collage photo holiday cards. I have such a hard time picking one photo for our Christmas cards, it's nice to have an option for more.

Oooooh, I really like this one.

We have yet to get photo cards that are "real" open and fold out cards. Which I kind of miss. So this would satisfy both things! Photos for everyone to see and an actual card where I can write things.

In addition to cards, Shutterfly has some great calendars that would make awesome gifts. I think it would be great to order one of these and give it to the grandparents for a nice, personalized gift.

If you're a blogger and interested in the 50 free card offer, check this out! http://bit.ly/sfly2010

Halloween 2010

2010-10-31T19:00:00.006-05:00

We went out trick-or-treating this year with a group of friends and Jack had a lot of fun. This is the first year that he seems to "get" it, so he was really good about saying "trick-or-treat," saying "thank you," and leaving the candy in his pumpkin until we got home. :) He went as Superman this year and I have to say, he was the cutest Superman EVER.

The gang that went out trick-or-treating.

SO.CUTE.

In my previous post, I mentioned how Jack doesn't have a filter for his words. He just talks and talks and talks. And he has no concept of strangers (I know...we're working on it). So when he would walk up to someone's door and say "trick-or-treat!" he would then start asking them, "Do you have a dog? Do you have a cat? Can I pet your dog? Can I pet your cat?" He would begin a conversation with the person at the door and want to keep talking to them. :) So we had to keep reminding him to move along and go to the next house!

"What do I do next?"

Checking out his goodies and picking 3 to have before bed. :)

School

2010-10-31T04:59:00.000-05:00

Jack is in preschool this year. Another year of preschool. At the beginning of the year, I had mixed emotions about this. On one hand, I knew that we were doing the best thing for him by keeping him in preschool for one more year. Technically he could be in kindergarten this year, since he turned 5 over the summer. But we knew that he just wasn't ready. So we signed him up for a preschool class that is an "inclusion" classroom. There are 12-14 "typical" children and then there are 3 special ed kids. (I can't tell you how much it hurt to write that -- my kid is one of the special ed kids. I never thought that would be me. Moving on....) So, I was relieved that he would still be in preschool and have another year to gain some of the skills that he'll need for kindergarten. But, all of the other 5 year olds were going to kindergarten. Whenever we would tell someone how old Jack was, they would ask "are you ready for kindergarten this year?" And we would have to explain how we were doing another year of preschool. It was bittersweet.

The previous two years, Jack was in a special education preschool. He was in an environment that was completely catered to his needs. Every other kid in the classroom had special needs also. Last year, his class was all boys on the autism spectrum. The special attention was great. But this year, we had to move a little out of our comfort zone. Now we're dealing with a classroom that doesn't revolve around Jack and his needs. Like everything else, there are pros and cons with this. We are glad that he has the opportunity to be around typical kids and, in a sense, mimic their behavior. He can see how his peers react to certain situations and how his peers behave. I have yet to see very many positive effects of this - but I am hoping that they will show up eventually. Being in this classroom also means that there is less individualized attention for Jack. There are more kids that need the teachers' attention. The special education teacher isn't in the classroom for the entire class. But, we realize that this is a good "stepping stone" to mainstream kindergarten. Where there will (most likely) be even less individual attention. Less special treatment. We are relieved, though, that it looks like Jack will be attending a mainstream public elementary school. In the long run, I think that is a very positive thing.

Jack L-O-V-E-S school. Adores it. Thinks it is the best thing in the world. And this makes me very happy. I hope that he continues to feel this way (I know, I know...keep dreaming). He is growing in his social skills. He talks about his friends at school. He recalls things that he did during the day and can talk about them. He is in an afternoon class this year (was in morning classes the previous 2 years) and he just can't wait until lunch time, because he knows that the bus comes shortly after lunch. I don't know how we're going to survive winter break. :)

Life With Jack

2010-10-29T16:16:00.002-05:00

So...I last blogged when it was Jack's birthday. That was 3 months ago. Sometimes life just gets too crazy and blogging takes a backseat to the rest of the activities. So right now I am sitting at Starbucks, my pumpkin spice latte next to me, and I am setting aside time to write. I think I need to make this a more regular occasion! Although, Starbucks is kind of busy right now and the only table available (with an outlet) was right next to the window. The window that the sun is shining through. The sun that is shining right in my face. I closed their little flimsy "blind," but it's not doing much good. So I am typing while squinting. And unfortunately, there isn't anything that the sun will be going behind any time soon. So I sit. And I squint. At least it's warm. OK, I just tried to switch sides of the table and that didn't work either. Now the sun is just on the other side of my face. And now my drink is on my left side. Sigh.

Let me talk about my kid for a little bit. Jack is 5 years and 3 months and 1 day old. He is awesome. And he is challenging. There are so many adjectives I could use to describe my son, it would take up a whole post. In complete honesty, we have more bad days right now than we do good days. What triggers Jack into meltdown is a mystery. But, we have a lot of meltdowns. We have a lot of behavior "issues." We have a lot of questions. We have a lot of concerns.

But, we also know that this is one of the most difficult times in our life with Jack. He is at the age where he doesn't know why his brain works differently. He doesn't understand why everyone else thinks differently than he does. He doesn't know why the world doesn't make sense to him. I am sure that he's confused, but he can't communicate why. His confusion comes out as anger or as misbehaving. Not that I'm excusing away his actions - but I truly believe that there is a greater underlying cause for his behavior problems. I don't think that he's acting out just because he can. The behavior issues make trips into the community fun and exciting. The tantrums, the yelling, the screaming, the constant running into things or people - the looks from people get old. I am getting used to the dirty looks...or I am just doing a better job at ignoring them.

We do what we can. We try our best. But at the end of the day, our best doesn't look like much. I think that most parents - even parents of "typical" children - struggle with guilt over their parenting. When you have a child with special needs, you can multiple that guilt times 10. We are constantly worrying if we're doing enough. If the therapy we're doing is enough. If the school is good enough. If the discipline is enough. If the picture schedule is enough. If the play dates are enough. And on, and on, and on. I find comfort in the fact that I KNOW that we're doing the best we know to do...right now. Even if we're messing the whole thing up, we're doing what we think is best. We are loving, intelligent parents and we have our son's best interests at heart. All we can do beyond that is pray that he turns out OK from there.

One thing I am so thankful for is that Jack has started loving to hug us. He wants to hug all of the time. And while I must admit that there are times when I get somewhat annoyed with the constant touching - overall I am so thankful that he wants to hug us. There are so many kids on the autism spectrum that have a hard time with touch. So many kids that don't want to be hugged. Jack was sensitive to hugging up until a few months ago. Now he wants to sit in my lap and let me hold him for awhile.

Jack talks. A lot. Constantly. All of the time. Continuously. Talks. Which, again, I am thankful for in the grand scheme of things. I would much rather have a child that talks too much than a child that doesn't talk at all. (I think.) A lot of his talking revolves around anxiety. He talks when he's anxious. He'll talk about anything that's on his mind. Never a flowing string of thoughts - it's always a broken mix-up of thoughts that are floating around in his head. Lines from a movie in one minute, and talking about the car wash the next minute. Actually, I should say that his thoughts don't make sense to US. I am sure that they make perfect sense to him. He sees connections in topics that we just don't see. He associates one thing with another thing...and then that thing to another thing...and it all comes out of his mouth. The boy doesn't have a filter. Sometimes it's hilarious and sometimes it's exhausting.

So...there's a quick snapshot of our lives right now. There is so much more going on, but I find it hard to organize it all right now. Hopefully there will be more blog posts coming soon.

Jack's 5th Birthday

2010-07-28T19:06:00.005-05:00

Last Sunday we had a birthday party for Jack. We invited 2 families over - two of the boys were in Jack's preschool class last year - and we had a great time. We had a bbq and the kids played outside and Jack opened presents and we had cake. Last years' birthday party was kind of a disaster...mostly because of the number of people we had over. Jack was completely overwhelmed and melted down. So we knew that this year we had to keep it a little simpler.

A view of the inside of Jack's birthday cake. So fun!

Jack's actual birthday was today, the 28th. He woke up at 5:30 am and bounded into our room saying "it's my birthday!" We quickly came to the conclusion that Jack was a little confused about his birthday. And we are still confused as to what his expectations were. He was upset right away that we weren't "doing" his birthday and he couldn't "eat his birthday." My best guess is that he was talking about having cake, presents, and party all over again - even though we had explained multiple times that he was having a party on Sunday and then we were just hanging out on Wednesday - when he would turn 5. We still did special things - we went to the store and let him pick out toys using his birthday money, we went and got ice cream, and we had cupcakes after dinner. But today was one of the more stressful days with Jack. He was so upset about his "birthday" all day - and we just kept missing the communication piece.

The morning of his birthday - before 6 am. :)

He had therapy this morning and had a pretty difficult time doing very simple tasks. We also found out that Jack's occupational therapist is leaving. This is heart-breaking for me. We absolutely love his therapist and she was one of the reasons we were looking forward to staying in Minnesota. He doesn't know yet that she's leaving. I think he'll have a very hard time dealing with this transition.

He had friends come over for a play date...so that was a good break in the day. Then when Lonnie was done with work, we went to Target to let Jack pick out toys with his birthday money. He had a good time picking out toys, but also had difficulty deciding which toys to get (who wouldn't?!?). We then went to the ice cream place...where Jack wouldn't eat any of his ice cream. He likes this particular ice cream place because it's near the rail road tracks and we can see a train every once in awhile. But now he has become so focused on the RR tracks that he refuses to eat his ice cream. All he can do is stare at the tracks (or at the cars going by on the street).

We knew that the rest of the evening had to be spent at home - he was done for the day! So we just spent time at home and let him play with his new toys. Had mac & cheese for dinner and watched Bee Movie. Jack and I were planning on going to the running track with Lonnie, where he was going to start training 5 people for their first 5k. But, Jack was so tired and worn out from the day that we decided to stay home so he could go to bed early.

Today was one of the days when I was reminded that my child is different. He is DIFFERENT. We can't do things with him that other parents do with their kids. Our lives are structured around his temperament, sensitivities and abilities. I am constantly under pressure to have the next 24 hours planned out in advance.

What a bittersweet day. It seems that most holidays are starting to bear this "bittersweet" feeling. We are blessed with an amazing son that we love very much. But we are most reminded on these holidays that things are different for us.

Either way - my baby is FIVE! He has accomplished so much in the past 5 years. We are so proud of who he is and who he is becoming. The past 5 years have gone by so quickly...I can't imagine what the next 5 years hold.

EXACTLY 5 years old - showing me his muscles. :)

This was the face we saw most of the day. :)

Awesome things my child has said today...

2010-07-20T19:41:00.004-05:00

J - "There was a bug."
Me - "Was it bothering you?"
J - "No, it was just saying hi to me."

"When I grow up, I want to be a doctor. To help people."

"Today is Tuesday. When I wake up, it will be [thinking] Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, WEDNESDAY."

As he's stretching - "I have a big belly. A big belly full of food."

Fresh Start

2010-07-19T18:42:00.004-05:00

I would really like to start using the blog as a record of our days here at the our house. Jack says and does a lot of funny things and I find myself wishing that I could keep better record of them. I wish I would've done a better job recording things when he was a baby and toddler - but I hope that late is better than never. :) So...my blog posts will be more boring. More about Jack. More about our mundane life. But I am doing this more for myself than anything.

Lonnie is out of town this week - again. So, Jack and I are on our own - again. With Lonnie working from home, I think that it's somewhat of a blessing in disguise that he travels every now and then. We all just might go crazy if we had to be around each other all day/night without the travel breaks. But, we really miss him when he's gone!

The hardest part of being home with Jack all day by myself is trying to find things to occupy our time. We go to the park or play outside at home when the weather permits, we go to the library, and we go to the water park about once a week. And we try to get together with friends when we can. But, that's about it! I have to admit, I'm more than a little bit ready for school to start. Not ready for the summer weather to go away, but ready for fall to get here! :)

(Jack and friend flipping backwards off the couch)

Jack had a friend come over today. They were in preschool together last year and they have become pretty good friends. It was great to watch them play together and laugh together. Jack was pretty wound up while his friend was here, so we had to have some down-time after the friend left. I think it was then that Jack realized exactly how tired he was. We took Lonnie to a hotel last night so he could get to the airport super early this morning. We didn't get home until late, so Jack didn't get to bed until around 9 pm. And, he was up before 6 am today. I think the sleepiness really hit him hard this afternoon. So after running a quick errand and eating an early dinner, it was bedtime! He was asleep by 6 pm. We'll see how that plays out overnight.

So...here goes another shot at blogging regularly. I am looking forward to keeping up with it!

Laura's Kitchen

2010-07-15T18:57:00.002-05:00

I entered a contest on a new food blog that I love - Laura's Kitchen. She has some awesome recipes and they all look amazing. Check her out!

Laura's Kitchen

Coconut-Pecan Granola

2010-06-10T06:37:00.003-05:00

I have been making granola for several years, but I have finally found a combination that I really like. And it's SUPER healthy. I love it mixed in with yogurt or with milk. The fun thing about granola is that you can mix and match the ingredients to whatever you would like. You can add more sweeteners to make it sweeter. You can mix up the type of fruit you put it. Try different kinds of nuts. As long as your dry/sweet ratio stays pretty much the same, you're good!

8 cups rolled oats (not quick oats)
1 1/2 cups wheat germ
1 1/2 cups pecans
1 cup sunflower seeds
1 cup coconut flakes (unsweetened)
1 1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 cup maple syrup (pure, not pancake syrup)
3/4 cup honey (I used raw, unfiltered honey for this and it was wonderful)
1 cup coconut oil
1 T. ground cinnamon
1 T. vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 325*F. Line 2 large baking sheets (with sides) with parchment paper, or use nonstick spray.
Mix together the oats, wheat germ, pecans, sunflower seeds, and coconut in a large bowl.
Put salt, maple syrup, honey, coconut oil, cinnamon, and vanilla in saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Pour the liquid over the dry ingredients and mix well, making sure everything is coated.
Spread evenly in the 2 sheets and put in the oven. Bake 20 - 30 minutes. Stir halfway through and rotate the sheets if they're on different racks. (I baked this last batch for 20 minutes and it's still a little soft, not quite crunchy. Next time I'll bake a little longer.)
Let the granola completely cool and store in airtight containers. Enjoy!

One Day at a Time

2010-06-07T15:21:00.000-05:00

I don’t want this blog to become a place where I constantly complain about our difficulties, especially when it comes to raising Jack. But, on the other side of it, I want to be honest in my writing and let people know what kind of challenges families of autism face. There are real challenges. Our days are more exhausting than I ever thought they could be.

I wanted to share a typical [weekend] day in our life. Yesterday was Sunday and is the perfect opportunity to show what our life is like.

2:30 am – Jack wakes up, I put him back to bed. Lately he’s been getting much better at going back to his bed when he wakes up in the middle of the night. He still throws a fit and tries to fight me on it, but he eventually makes his way back to his room and (usually) goes back to sleep.

5:00 am – Jack comes back into our room and is awake for the day. This is “sleeping in” in our book. We’re happy with this. Plus, we have to get moving early to go to St. Paul because Lonnie is running a 5K in the morning. After the 5K, there will be a parade and food vendors, and other activities going on. Immediately upon waking, Jack asks us what the day holds. He starts with breakfast –

“and after breakfast?”

“We will get ready.”

“and after we get ready?”

“We will hang out for a little bit and then we will drive to St. Paul.”

“and after we drive to St. Paul?”

“We will go to daddy’s race and watch him run.”

“and after daddy’s race?”

“We will watch the parade.”

“and after the parade?”

“You and daddy will drop me off at Trader Joe’s and then you guys will go to a park.”

“and after the park?”

“Then we will get lunch.”

“and after we get lunch?”

“Then we will go home.”

“and after we go home?”

…..and on and on and on. I would guess that this script is repeated at least 20 times a day. All day long. We usually are planned ahead by at least 24 hours. Jack has to know exactly what is coming up and when. And yes, we’ve done picture schedules. The problem with a physical picture schedule is that Jack becomes absolutely obsessed with it. And then he can’t think about anything else. And then if, God forbid, we have to CHANGE the schedule, it makes that transition that much more difficult – because it wasn’t on the schedule.

7:00 am – We head out the door and get in the car. Jack wants to buckle his own seatbelt. I oblige and let him try. He gets frustrated and starts throwing a fit. So I try to help him buckle it and the fit escalates. He finally gets the thing buckled and the fit is over.

7:05 am – We have to get gas before we go to St. Paul. This wasn’t on the schedule. Jack is OK with it, but insists that we don’t go through the car wash. He is very freaked out about the car wash and gets nervous any time we’re within sight of one. We reassure him multiple times that we aren’t going through the car wash. He eventually believes us.

7:45 am – The car ride has gone incredibly smoothly so far. Jack brought a fire truck to play with, and it has occupied his time more than we thought it would. But 45 minutes or so into the car ride, Jack gets antsy. He starts yelling/screaming/making random noises. Not necessarily a fit…and he’s not really angry or upset. He’s just making noise. A lot of it.

8:20 am – We make it to St. Paul. The car ride went so well, we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. It didn’t take long. As soon as we get out of the car, Jack is whining that he has to go potty. He went right before we left the house, so we know that he doesn’t have to go that bad. One of Jack’s “quirks” is that he insists on going potty EVERYWHERE. It doesn’t matter if he just went 5 minutes ago. He has to go potty to each place we visit. So, we tell him that we’re going to wait to go potty until daddy starts the race. There’s port-a-potties everywhere…but I would like to avoid one of those if we can. I am hoping to go to a coffee shop or something. He starts to get upset about it. Uh oh.

8:45 am – Lonnie gets all registered for the race and is ready to go. Jack starts screaming that he has to go pee. Louder and louder. So I say “fine” and set off to find a bathroom. A real one. We run into a row of port-a-potties and he insists that he wants to go there. That he HAS to go NOW. I know that the coffee shop is still a few blocks ahead, so I give in and agree to the port-a-potty. Only problem is, there’s a line. All of them are locked. So we stand and wait. Jack starts throwing a fit. I tell him that we have to wait for a potty. I tell him that we can go find another potty where he won’t have to wait. He starts screaming at the top of his lungs. I grab his hand to walk to another row of port-a-potties. He pulls away from me, screaming, and then collapses on the ground. In the middle of the street. I pick him up and move him to the sidewalk…all the while he’s screaming. He’s screaming so loudly, that Lonnie could hear him – a block away. Great.

9:00 am – We finally find an open port-a-potty. Jack touches everything and finally pees. Praise the Lord for hand sanitizer.

9:15 am – After watching the little kid’s race (so cute!) it is time for Lonnie to run the 5K. Jack is tired of waiting (a whole 15 minutes! How could I?!?!) and starting to get upset. The race starts and we see Lonnie pass us. We clap and yell. Jack immediately starts crying and screaming. I don’t know why. He finally tells me that he wants daddy to be done racing. I tell him that we have to wait for him to be done and ask him if he wants to find some food while we’re waiting. He screams and cries some more, but eventually agrees to go find some food. I grab the wagon and we go walking down the street in search of some food. I hope there’s something there that he’ll eat.

9:30 am – We finally find something that Jack is willing to eat – donuts. The little donuts, like at the fair. He is happy about that. So we buy a bag of donuts, but Jack starts yelling, once again. He can’t see how the donuts are made. There is a donut stand at the fair where you can see them frying the donuts and watch them flip over. Jack thinks that every donut stand MUST do this. So he is very upset that this particular donut stand doesn’t have a place where you can watch the donuts be made. So he yells. And yells. My patience is quickly going away. I get him to calm down about watching the donuts be made and then he starts complaining that the donuts are too hot. Of course they are.

9:45 am – We get to the finish line to watch Lonnie finish the race. We see him run by – we cheer and clap. Yay! And then the crying and screaming begins again. Why? Because he can’t run with daddy. He yells/screams/cries until Lonnie finally makes it to where we are on the sidewalk.

10:15 am – After walking up and down the sidewalk for a little while, finding a good place to watch the parade, we find a decent shaded spot. The parade was supposed to start at 10 am. We wait. And wait. And wait. Apparently we’re quite a ways down from where the parade started. It’s almost 11 by the time we see the parade. Jack spends a good portion of the time with his hands over his ears. We manage to leave shortly before the parade ends…we don’t want to try to leave there when everyone else is leaving. Jack throws random fits every now and then while sitting in the wagon. We can’t really hear him – that’s probably a good thing at this point.

11:45 am – The boys drop me off at Trader Joe’s so I can get some groceries. Why I am shopping alone? Because Jack can’t handle Trader Joe’s. We’ve tried several times to go there with him, but each trip turns into huge meltdowns. Not sure what it is about that store, but it just doesn’t work for all of us to go. So Lonnie takes Jack to a nearby park to play while I shop. Jack refuses to eat something for lunch, because the park came FIRST on the schedule and THEN lunch. Everything has its place.

1:00 pm – I’m done shopping, the boys come pick me up. Jack gets upset because I don’t have a “surprise” for him. Nothing new there.

1:20 pm – We find a Sonic Drive-In and get some lunch. Jack eats most of his lunch and then falls asleep for the rest of the drive home. I fall asleep too. Exhausted.

2:30 pm – We finally make it home. I unload the groceries and we all just hang out for a little while. I make sure to spend some one-on-one time on the floor with Jack and we play with a game. We try to keep it as low-key and calm as possible. I inform Jack that later, daddy and I are going out on a date and someone (that he already knows) is going to come watch him while we go out. He seems totally OK (and even excited) about this.

4:30 pm – The babysitter shows up. She is sweet and wonderful and Jack already likes her. Lonnie and I start to head out the door and Jack loses it. Starts crying and hanging onto my leg. I manage to pry him loose and walk out the door. Jack stops crying shortly after we leave. Lonnie and I watch a movie and eat dinner in silence. We let out a sigh of relief. The relief is short-lived, however, because we know that bedtime isn’t too far away.

7:30 pm – We get home and let Jack know that bedtime will be starting in 10 minutes (we use the big hand on the clock to let him know when it’s time to go potty, get jammies on, etc.). It’s the same routine every night. We’ve been doing this for years. And yet, I could count on one hand the times when bedtime has been tantrum-less. It’s almost always a fight. So, we go through the regular arguing about going potty and getting jammies on and brushing teeth and staying in bed.

8:00 pm – He’s in bed. He stays in bed. Lonnie and I collapse on the couch.

8:30 pm – Both Lonnie and I fall asleep on the couch.

9:00 pm – We go to bed.

2:45 am – Jack wakes up, and it starts all over again!

While some might say that this was an exceptional day because we made a trip out of town and had a babysitter come over all in the same day – I would have to disagree. Even on days when we only have one errand to run, Jack’s behaviors and actions are pretty much the same. I know that part of his behavior on Sunday was related to the large amount of people and noise that we were surrounded by, but I believe that there are times when Jack needs to learn how to deal with those types of situations. We can’t keep him in a bubble and protect him from the sensory-overloading world. So, for now, we do the best we can and try to keep our sanity intact while doing it. At this moment, I don’t know if we’re succeeding at that!

The Dog

2010-06-02T17:48:00.004-05:00

When we first moved to Minnesota, we decided to bring a dog into our family. We went to the local humane society and picked out a sweet boy. We named him Buster and he made his way into our hearts. For the first couple of weeks after we adopted Buster, Jack was terrified of him. He would climb on the couch, chair, table - anything that would keep him off of the floor. He rarely wanted to be in the same room as Buster. But, then he slowly came around and started loving Buster. He would give him hugs and play with him and talk to him.

The next part of this story is really difficult for me to write. In doing this, I am admitting that my child has "issues." That there is something wrong. And sometimes that's hard to put into words.

As autism began to rear its ugly head and Jack's behaviors became worse, some of his aggression was taken out on Buster. I won't go into too much detail here (for fear of being judged), but let's just say that Jack's actions toward Buster went far beyond how any "typical" 4 year old would treat a dog. It was more than just "rough-housing." We talked to teachers. We talked to therapists. We talked to friends. We tried every piece of advice given to us. Nothing worked. It just got worse.

Several months ago, we put out a plea to our friends on Facebook. We asked if anyone might be able to provide a good home for our animals (we were having the same problems with the cat, too). One of our friends offered to take Buster into their home.

So, last Friday, we loaded Buster up in the car one last time and drove out to the country, where his new family lives. He had previously spent some time with this family, so he was familiar with them. We had talked to Jack all day about where Buster was going and that we weren't going to pick him up and that he was going to live at a different home now. We never told him that we were doing this because of his actions - I wasn't about to make him feel guilty for the dog going away. This was already hard enough on all of us. We weren't quite sure if Jack was understanding what would happen, but tried to do our best to explain it to him. Jack had picked out a toy for Buster to keep with him - a stuffed kitty. I told Jack that Buster would play with the stuffed kitty whenever he missed us, and that he would remember us.

As we drove away from our friends' home, Jack was quiet. I asked him if he missed Buster. Then the tears came. He cried. And cried. He said he was sad about Buster and wanted him to come to OUR house. I cried. (I'm crying now.) I am sure that part of his crying was exhaustion (it was a loooong day and late night for him), but I know that he really felt that emotion of missing Buster.

The next day, I went to Target and found Jack a big stuffed dog. I brought him home and told Jack that he could give the puppy a hug whenever he missed Buster. Jack named him Horton (we were in the middle of watching "Horton Hears a Who" when Jack named the dog) and he sleeps with him.

Life is actually quieter in our house now. There is a lot less stress about Jack's mis-treatment of the dog and the constant discipline surrounding that. We don't have a dog cowering in the corners when Jack gets wired. Jack is doing well. He talks about Buster sometimes, but not too often. He doesn't seem sad about it anymore. It is one less thing for us to worry about right now. We know we made the right decision - but that definitely didn't make it any easier.

The Biggest LOSER

2010-05-18T20:02:00.002-05:00

So, I'm sitting here watching The Biggest Loser. I am annoyed with it. Let me count the ways...

1) None of the final 4 contestants are married or have children. Therefore, they can spend 8 hours/day at the gym and not have to worry about missing out on things at home.

2) So, so, so unrealistic. Daris (one of the contestants) ate cereal at 4 am. They made it sound like he had just committed the ultimate sin. How dare he eat?!?! It is completely unrealistic to expect people to train for a marathon and not eat (enough to fuel their bodies). It is completely unrealistic to expect people to spend all day in a gym. It is completely unrealistic to expect people to eat extremely restricted diets 24/7. The contestants are living in a lab when they're on "The Ranch." Their exercise, diets, and activities are all controlled. When they leave, it's not controlled. It's not too hard to imagine what will happen when they're set free.

3) Who says that it's impossible to be happy and overweight? They make the assumption that if you're overweight, you're automatically depressed about it. While I agree that there are health risks associated with obesity, and I agree that you should do something to help alleviate those health risks, I disagree that you must be miserable if you're overweight. If someone is healthy, happy and they happen to be overweight...they should be left alone.

4) While the contestants were running a marathon, previous season winners met them at various points to run the race with them. All but one of the previous winners had put back on a considerable amount of weight. The show doesn't talk about this. Sure, they have "made an example" out of prior contestant Eric (who gained back most of his weight - and he is going to take it all off again - and then....), but I think that a good portion of ex-Biggest Losers have put back on a lot of their weight. Why? Back to #2. It is completely unrealistic to expect people to eat/workout/live the lifestyle that they live on "The Ranch." The Biggest Loser is setting people up for failure.

5) What kind of life do you have when you neglect your friends and family? When you have to leave parties early because no one understands your "stress?" When you can't go out to dinner with your family because the restaurant doesn't serve "your" foods? When you miss your kids' activities because you have to go to the gym? What kind of life is that?

6) Since when is losing 13 lbs. in a month a failure? I hate how they make it sound like such a horrible thing when a contestant loses anything less than an insane amount of weight. They are praised for losing unhealthy amounts of weight, and looked down upon for losing the "recommended" amount of weight (1 - 2 lbs./week). So when these contestants start getting closer to their "ideal" weight, and their weight loss slows down, I can only assume that they will be extremely disappointed with their average weight loss.

Done with my rant.

Bittersweet

2010-05-09T13:17:00.003-05:00

Today is Mother's Day. I am so blessed to be a mother. So blessed to feel Jack's arms wrapped around my neck and smell his hair. Blessed to get wet kisses and hear him say "Happy Muhver's Day." I have much to be thankful for.

When we picked Jack up from Sunday School today, there was a table full of flowers that the children had made for their moms. I asked Jack if he made a flower, and he said "no, I didn't want to." It's a small paper flower - but I was sad that I didn't get one. While other moms were praising their childrens' artwork, I was ushering Jack out of the hallway before he had a meltdown. When I asked him if he had fun at Sunday School, he said "yes, they had a school bus." I asked him if he played with other kids in the classroom and he said "no, I played by myself." Tears filled my eyes at the thought of the other children playing together, and Jack sitting by himself, playing with a school bus. I asked him what they learned, and he couldn't tell me. Another bittersweet moment.

Motherhood is not at all what I thought it would be. My journey into motherhood has been filled with many more lows than I thought it would be. You have an expectation. An idea of what things will be like. Whether it's right or not, you expect motherhood to be filled with joy and laughter. And while we have had our share of laughter, our monotonous days are filled with tantrums, screaming, meltdowns, stimming, and repetitive behavior. Motherhood has become an experience that has stretched me thinner than I thought possible. I never thought that I would be the one raising a special-needs child. Never thought that I would be the one taking my child to therapy, special education classes, and more doctor's appointments than I can keep track of. But, here we are. This is our reality. We do what we do. We make it through each day and collapse into bed each night (for a couple of hours, at least!). We are continually learning how to best nurture and support Jack.

I have many moments of despair. Moments when I cry and yell and wonder what the purpose of all of this is. Moments when I want to give up and run away. Moments where I think that it's all just too hard and I can't go on one more minute.

But then I have moments of love. Moments when Jack smiles at me and I see that adorable dimple on his right cheek. Moments when he says or does something so absolutely hilarious that he has me laughing until I cry. Moments when he has a breakthrough and tries to do something that he wouldn't do before.

Mother's Day is bittersweet for me. Not only because of the challenges of raising a special needs child, but also because of the unfulfilled desire for another child. We watched the baby dedication at church this morning, and tears fell down my cheeks. Watching the precious newborn babies squirming in their parents' arms and hearing their baby sounds fill the room. As difficult as motherhood has been for me, I still have the desire to have another baby. There is still the yearning in my heart to have a sweet new baby to be a part of our family. God knows. He knows my desires and He knows the plans for our family. I am trusting and surrendering.

So....Mother's Day. A day filled with hugs and kisses, tears and worries. I am so blessed. I married a man that loves God and loves me. A man that loves our son and is dedicated to our family. I have a son that has such unique ways of showing me that he loves me. Even if he doesn't make me a paper flower, I know that he loves me beyond words. He makes me laugh and teaches me new things every day. I am so blessed.

Motherhood in pictures

2010-05-05T13:42:00.005-05:00

Kristen at We Are THAT Family is having a giveaway and asking moms to show pictures the define "motherhood" for them. Here are some that mean the most to me....

For anyone that doesn't know, I had a less than desirable birth experience and had to be put under general anesthesia. Here are a couple of pictures from the recovery room as I was just waking up.

My mom. This picture speaks so much about a mother's love to me.

Awake enough to meet.

There is nothing that can prepare you for the exhaustion of the first days at home.

He rarely slept. So when he did, we wanted to take pictures.

The first time he had a really, really bad cold. My heart broke.

At a pumpkin patch, 2007.

Kisses through the bike trailer.

That smile. I can't get enough of it.

Love.

True Love

2010-02-18T11:13:00.003-06:00

My amazing husband wrote a heart-felt post in regards to Jack...it also includes an update to his sleep study. I'm copying it here so everyone can read it. :)

I am not much of a writer, so forgive any mistakes & apologies for the length of the note. I wrote this today about Jack and what an amazing child & blessing he really is.

No, this entry is not about crazy times as in fast running. I've still been training, but have been sidelined somewhat by a nasty cold. I managed 14+ (short considering I was over 20 the weeks prior) miles last week with a chest cold that's now a nice sneeze etc. I'm at 7mi this week with my first ever Half Marathon on Sunday the 14th.

This post is more about the crazy times in our lives. I'm stepping back to write something different this time. Something that is always on my mind, and is often reflected upon on my "Long Run" days.

Our son Jack, born in July 2005 was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder by our school district back in August 2008. He received a medical diagnosis back in September 09' from Fraser in Minneapolis.

When you first hear someone say "Your Child has Autism", you really don't know what to think. You're taken back by it. Sure, we knew something with our son was "off" due to some missed milestones, slightly quirky behaviors etc, but we were not assuming anything or jumping to any conclusions. Initially, I'll admit, I was in denial. The feeling of "That's not true" was frequent.

Our Jack is a very special boy, and I love him dearly. There are plenty of moments that I get frustrated (I've struggled with anger/quick temper forever!), but in the end I will give everything for this little boy who struggles every day to communicate with us. Jack is very verbal as far as autism goes, and knows an amazing amount of words. His autism certainly doesn't effect his amount of talking. Jack is very smart, but has trouble communicating thoughts that are his own. Echolalia effects Jack. Defined as "The involuntary parrot-like repetition (echoing) of a word or phrase just spoken by another person", echolalia can make Jack appear quite normal to a lot of people that do not know him, or those that may not understand a lot about Autism. If you meet Jack, and say "Hi, how are you", he knows the correct answer to be "I'm fine" or "Good, how are you". It's a VERY Rare occasion that we'll get an answer that reflects how he is actually feeling. For all we know, he can say "I'm fine", but be reeling inside with anxiety from any number of situations. Most of Jack's responses to any question posed to him are canned, meaning that he'll think for a brief amount of time, then provide a response he's heard from either myself, his mom or someone else. If he doesn't know "the answer", he'll give you a sheepish grin, laugh, or sometimes make an odd noise, or even on occasion, he'll just say poopie.

Jack's memory, both audio and visual is astounding. Take for example, listing to a music CD. One of his favorites is "Church Music", by David Crowder Band. He has had his own little CD player that has since been destroyed by his recent destruction faze. We provided him this David Crowder CD as he really enjoys their music. Within a week of him having this CD in his CD player, he had memorized the track number of ALL 17 tracks on the CD by way of listening to the first 2-3 seconds of any song. Now, w/o ANY prompting, we can play the Church Music album on the iPhone in the car and within 3 seconds of the song starting, he'll say "That's number 10" or "That's number 6" etc. He knows every track on the CD and can give you the track number of them regardless of the ORDER they're played back.

Jack's hearing is amazing. So much so that we think he hears nearly everything going on around him, all at the same time. Imagine for a second that you're in Grand Central Terminal, NY. Thousands of people walking, talking, trains, escalators, cash registers, cell phones etc. Now, imagine hearing all of these sounds at the same time and trying to process them. This is what it's like for Jack. Trying to take all of that in, all at once and process it. It get's overwhelming and can lead to melt down city because he can't otherwise express how he feels in those situations. We're learning as parents that we need to carefully plan outings with Jack and make sure that we talk to him about where we're going, what will be going on there, if it'll be loud or not, if there will be a lot of people etc. Doing this ahead of time can make all the difference in our day. Sometimes, he'll still "lose it", but that may be because he's tired as well.

Jack is also VERY schedule driven. This is common with autism and he appears to fit right into that mold of having to know what's coming next, when, how long. It's a difficult task to plan your days as structured as Jack needs them. There's a fine line between planning every minute of his day, vs. trying to teach him that schedules can sometimes change, or things might be different and that it's OK. We're adapting, and so is Jack.

Another big area that Jack struggles with is transitioning from one thing to the next. Sure, any kid that has to stop playing with toys or stop doing something they're enjoying to do something else will not like it. With Autism, this can be magnified to an extreme in any transition no matter how big or small. Jack occasionally struggles with processing these transitions whether big or small. Sometimes it can be as simple as pulling the car into the garage and going inside. We'll pull in, open the doors, unbuckle him etc and he's simply not ready, or hasn't processed yet that it's time to come inside. We've left him in the car on several occasions and he's done well with coming in on his own after a few minutes.

We have some crazy months coming ahead of us; For about the last year to year and a half, Jack's sleep has gone really down hill. He is up and out of his room multiple times 99% of nights. Sometimes, it'll be just 2-3 times a night that he'll wake up and need us to put him back to sleep, but it can be as many as 10-12 times a night. Regardless of how many times, he is up for the day at or before 5am. We've tried consistently putting him to bed later, say after 8:30-9PM, but that doesn't change anything. He still wakes multiple times and is up and ready to go by 5am. We initially inquired about this with his pediatrician and received the "maybe he doesn't need that much sleep" speech. After a couple times of mentioning sleep issues, it was suggested that we try melatonin for him. Melatonin is an over the counter regulator of serotonin. This would help Jack fall asleep quickly, but even with doses over 3mg, he wouldn't sleep consistently, or any later than 5am. Finally after a year of asking about it, his doctor put in a referral for a "sleep study" at MayoClinic in Rochester, MN.

This sleep study just occurred overnight on 2.9.2k10. Getting any child hooked up to more than 30 EEG sensors would be difficult, but factor in Autism and it's that much tougher. The AMAZING part of getting hooked up was that Jack was a TROOPER. His anxiety was obviously elevated, but he did a great job of letting them put sensors/glue/tape all over his head, legs, face, chin etc. He's one tough dude! I probably would've pitched a bigger fit than he did. Only one of us was allowed to stay overnight with him, and Stephanie decided she would do it. She is so amazing with Jack. Patience, compassion, kindness...you name it, she's all over it.

The morning after his sleep study was the follow up with the sleep doctor(s). This was probably the hardest morning we've had..even more so than hearing "Your son has Autism". We met with the doctors and in the beginning it was seeming like everything was good. Jack's oxygen while sleeping was good, heart rate was great, sleep/wake cycles are fine. The answer we got about why he might not sleep that well wasn't what we were expecting. They believe it may be due in large part to an attachment issue & Jack being so anxious all the time. Jack has ALWAYS slept in his own crib, bed etc, but they think that due to his anxiety levels, he may hit a "wake cycle" and get worried that we're not here or something, so then he has to come downstairs, realize that we're there, get put back to bed, and go back to sleep for a another couple hours or so. Repeat this process until 5am and then it's time to get up for the day.

It's what came after that explanation that totally threw us off. The doctor explained that Jack has an exceptional amount of brain "misfires" while he is sleeping. This occurs on the left side of his brain and was very frequent while sleeping. Then, it hurt more..the word seizure came out of the doctors mouth. She said the type of activity he's having in his brain while sleeping is prone/related to seizures. She advised that while he didn't have a seizure during the sleep study, it's likely that he's had several seizures of a non-clinical variety..meaning that we may never see them happening, and that he isn't convulsing etc, but that there is something going on that needs addressed. Immediately, it clicked with me that we've probably witnessed our son having a seizure on several occasions. Jack has these periods of 30 seconds to 1 minute where no matter what we do, we can't get his attention. He'll just sort of sit there, starting off into space and nothing seems to rouse him from that. Then, all of a sudden we'll get his attention and he's back to his usual self. Seizure? Who knows...but we're determined to find out!

It was with that, we learned that within the next month, he'll be having an MRI of his brain focusing on seizure something or other, and for that he would need to be put to sleep because it can take about an hour for a child to go through the process, and he would NEVER lay that STILL for THAT LONG. He also has to have another EEG, but this time it'll be while he's awake, not sleeping. Hopefully he does just as well this time with getting all the sensors hooked up. Once those appointments are done, we'll meet with a neurologist to review results and go from there.

In the meantime, we moved Jack's bedroom back downstairs next to our room, and will be on our toes even more now watching for any signs that something is wrong.

All of these struggles and trials aside, he is one amazing child, and is truly a gift to us. Through his Preschool, speech and occupational therapy, we're learning a lot about who he is. We're learning to work with him, and help him communicate his needs and true feelings to us. It's a long road, but we wouldn't trade it for anything.

Eye Update

2010-01-27T13:14:00.002-06:00

Yesterday Jack had an appointment with a new ophthalmologist for a surgery consultation. The doctor agreed that he is a good candidate for eye muscle surgery. Now all we have to do is call the surgery scheduler and arrange a date for Jack to have the surgery. He said that they usually schedule a few weeks out. The ophthalmologists office is located right next to a Children's Hospital, so that is where they will be doing the surgery. He said the procedure takes about 40 minutes and recovery is fairly easy. He was very good about explaining the procedure to me - they even got someone to take Jack out of the room and play with him so I could have an uninterrupted conversation with the doctor. That was really nice!

He will still need glasses after surgery, but there is a good possibility that he won't need bifocals anymore. There is also the possibility that we will still need to do some type of patching after surgery if his vision isn't good enough. For some reason yesterday, he didn't do well on the vision test (reading the letters) for his left eye (the "bad" eye). I've seen him do better - so I don't know what was going on yesterday. So hopefully his vision is good enough that he won't need patching after surgery. However, he does need patching done starting now until surgery - at least 2 hours a day. That isn't too bad. His old fleece patch (seen here ) doesn't fit his glasses anymore, so we'll have to use the adhesive ones for a few weeks. Ick.

I will update when we know more about the surgery date - and of course I'll update after surgery!

This Wasn't In The Parenting Books...

2010-01-24T11:21:00.005-06:00

I almost don't know how to say this.

Every time I write something down, it just doesn't sound right.

It sounds a little bit crazy.

Far-fetched, if you will.

Like, I never-in-a-million-years thought I would be saying something like this.

So, I will just say it.

Are you ready?

My son ate a light bulb.

No kidding. The kid BIT, CHEWED, and SWALLOWED the glass part of a nightlight light bulb. Want the whole story? If so, keep reading.

Jack has "quiet time" every day after lunch. This has replaced nap time. He usually stays up there for an hour or so. It gives us both some down-time and is a nice break in the day. (Who am I kidding...it's mostly for me.) So, yesterday, he was having quiet time in his room and Lonnie and I were downstairs watching TV. We heard Jack coming downstairs and figured he was just coming out to whine about some toy being broken or not wanting to stay up in his room. The first thing out of his mouth when he looks at me was, "That was icky." And he spit. Confused (because there isn't anything edible in his room), I asked him, "What was icky?" His reply?

"The NIGHTLIGHT."

Hmmmm? Come again? The nightlight was icky? Not exactly something you want to hear from a 4 year old boy.

I bolted upstairs to find his nightlight, in the outlet, with the bulb broken. The entire glass part of the bulb was broken off of the metal part of the bulb. When I saw this, I may or may not have muttered some very inappropriate words in front of my 4 year old. I quickly scanned the area and picked up the shards of glass that I saw on the floor, unplugged the nightlight and ran downstairs. I told Lonnie "We're going to the hospital."

Before we left for the hospital, we sat down with Jack for a second and asked him what exactly happened with the nightlight. His responses -

"I put it in my mouth."

"It tasted icky."

"I chewed it, like this."

"I swallowed it, like this."

We asked him 20 times if he swallowed it, and his response was consistently YES. So, off we went to the ER.

We walked up to the ER desk and they asked why we were there. "Um, well, my son, you see, he, um, bit and chewed and swallowed the glass part of a light bulb." I'm sure my face was bright red. It's a bit embarrassing to admit that your child has just swallowed glass when you weren't watching him. Both of the receptionists gasped. You know that's not a good sign.

We got back to triage and got a room really quickly (the ER happened to be very slow - something I was praying for while we were driving there!) and saw the doctor. They took x-rays of Jack's neck, chest, and stomach. And the results were - nothing. They didn't see anything. Which is great. They probably wouldn't be able to see just glass anyway, but the doctor wanted to make sure that there wasn't anything else stuck in there (since obviously our kid has a thing for putting stuff in his mouth). The doctor thoroughly checked his mouth and gums and teeth and didn't see any cuts or blood or glass. Now, we just watch him and make sure blood doesn't start coming out of places it's not supposed to, or that he doesn't get a fever or start throwing up.

When we came home, I looked more thoroughly in Jack's room for glass pieces and I found quite a few more little tiny pieces on his carpet. One of them had blood on it. Good grief.

Apparently it's time for us to provide Jack with more APPROPRIATE things to stick in his mouth. We know he has a lot of sensory input needs for his mouth, we just never thought he would resort to a light bulb.

So...needless to say...Jack no longer has a nightlight. All of his outlets have plugs in them. He had several conversations with us and the doctor about only putting food in his mouth.

Yesterday was exhausting! Here's a picture of the infamous nightlight. Sorry it's fuzzy, it was taken with Lonnie's phone and we were heading out the door to the hospital.

10 in '10 - Week 3

2010-01-23T09:12:00.002-06:00

So, just completed week 3 of the "10 in '10" Challenge. I am officially down 6.5 lbs! Not much, but pretty good considering I haven't made any MAJOR changes. Oh, and I have lost 1" off of my waist! I am exercising almost every day (at least 5 times/week) and making healthier eating choices. I decided to not completely rule out sugar, but to have it in moderation. I've been doing much better with this approach. It seems that as soon as I make something a "no" food, I crave it and think about it and dwell on it and obsess over it. And then I end up overeating it! I've just been trying to have smaller portions, eat more fiber and protein, less white bread-type things, and very few sweets. For exercise I've been doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD. Whew! She really kicks my booty. I am on Day 6 and am already noticing a difference in my stamina and what I can complete during the workout. Very encouraging! It's much easier to stick with exercising and healthy eating once you start seeing results.

Eventually, I would like to sit down and write my story of weight gain and struggles with losing it and where I am in my journey now. I just don't have time right now!

For now, I am very happy with the way things are going and am confident that I will reach my goal of 50 by 30!!!

Just had to share...

2010-01-15T06:47:00.001-06:00

I read this blog post this morning and it brought tears to my eyes. I can't tell you how many times we've gone to a public restroom and Jack has "freaked out" because the toilets have automatic flushers or someone else flushes unexpectedly. He always walks into a bathroom with his hands over his ears.

http://jesswilson.wordpress.com/2010/01/15/an-angel-in-the-loo/

Disappointment

2010-01-09T10:17:00.004-06:00

Maybe that will be my word of the year.

Gained 1.5 lbs. during week one of my "10 in 10" Challenge.

I still worked out this morning. I still ate healthy. I am still (trying very very hard to be) committed.

Plans

2009-12-30T10:46:00.003-06:00

Each day, Jack and I have a conversation that goes something like this -

Me - "I am going to take a shower now."
J - "And after you take a shower?"
Me - "I am going to get ready."
J - "And after you get ready?"
Me - "I am going to do laundry."
J - "And after you do laundry?"
Me - "You will get dressed."
J - "And after I get dressed?"
Me - "I don't know!"
J - "And after I don't know?"
Me - "Jack, I don't know what we're doing today."
J - "And after I don't know?"
Me - "I DON'T KNOW!"
J - "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

This can go on for hours. Jack will keep asking me "and after....?" until he gets a satisfactory answer. I often have to make things up, just so I can give him an answer that will appease him for the time being. Such a fun game!

When we can, Lonnie and I try very hard to make specific plans about where we are going to go, what order they are going to go in, and who is going to be present while we're going to these places. Why? Because Jack needs it that way. If we don't make a very specific plan about our activities for the day, Jack feels completely lost and out of control. He needs to know exactly what is going on. He is constantly wondering what activity is going to come next. In a world where not every waking minute can be planned or scheduled, this makes life a little challenging!

This week has been especially hard since school is out for winter break. School is a huge part of Jack's schedule and is kind of what we base our routine around. He knows that when he has school, every day pretty much looks the same. Without school, the days have less structure and more "free" time. This is so hard. While I try to be as scheduled as I can, there are days when there just isn't a schedule to go by! I have things to do around the house, we don't have any errands to run, it's snowing outside....the "nothingness" creates chaos!

So, here I go - back to answer the questions of "and after....?" We have plans for this afternoon. I can give him a concrete answer for a few hours. And soon enough, it will be time to start planning for tomorrow.

Discipline

2009-12-28T13:45:00.003-06:00

I recently saw the question on Facebook - "What's your one word for this next year?" I thought that was a really good question. One word to describe my hopes for the upcoming year. There are so many things I want to do - so many goals I want to set for myself - but, could I condense them all into one word? The word immediately came to my mind - DISCIPLINE. I am horrible at being disciplined. Whether it's sticking to a diet or exercise, instituting a new schedule/routine, or being consistent with Jack, I usually give up pretty quickly!

In past years, I have been somewhat "anti-resolutions" when it comes to the New Year. I think that in part, it has been my way of allowing myself to slack off. Another excuse to put off goals that I really need to be setting for myself. This year, that changes. I have several goals that I want to set for myself, but I think that I will be keeping most of them private for now. The one goal that has really been on my heart and mind though is losing weight and being healthier. My hot husband has recently lost over 50 lbs. and that has become a motivating factor.

So...here is my goal...50 by 30. Huh? I am turning 30 in September. My goal is to lose 50 lbs. by the time I turn 30 years old. That's less than 1.5 lbs./week. Totally doable. I am contemplating starting up another blog to keep track of all of this, but haven't decided if I'm willing to put in the time/effort (since I'm already a slacker at keeping up this blog!).

I've joined The Recipe Girl's Ten in '10 Challenge and I am excited about that! My goals for 10 weeks are to cut out refined sugar and exercise at least 3 times/week. I am currently on sugar-overload from the holidays and it will be so good for my body to have a break from all of it. Tough, but I've done it before and I know I can do it again. We'll see where I want to go from there...probably have to increase the exercise or something.

Alrighty - I'm putting it out there! 50 by 30!

Jack Update

2009-12-12T13:39:00.003-06:00

We have not had a "good" nights' sleep for almost a year. Jack has been waking up multiple times at night and waking for the day usually between 3 - 5 am. We are all exhausted. Jack's behavior and attitude reflect his exhaustion on most days. So, we are taking him for a sleep study at Mayo Clinic. Ack! I am pretty nervous about this and of course wonder if we're doing the right thing. One parent will be able to stay at the clinic with him, so that is reassuring. I am just worried that he'll absolutely freak out about having things attached to him. But, hopefully we can get some questions answered and find out if there's some help for us.

Jack is also going to have eye surgery coming up. It has come to the point where his esotropia cannot be corrected by glasses and surgery is necessary to correct the muscles in his eye. There is a possibility that they will need to do surgery on both eyes, but we're not quite certain of that yet. We haven't met with the surgeon, but hopefully will do so in the next couple of weeks.

School is going really well and he continues to enjoy it. His teacher is fabulous and we couldn't have asked for a better teacher for Jack. He has started to have more recognition of letters and has been able to start sounding out some words! This is really exciting! I love watching him sound out letters and figure out how words are put together.

Jack has also been doing occupational therapy and speech therapy once a week for the past couple of months. That has also been going really well. His therapists are wonderful and seem to really "get" Jack.

So...we've been busy! Tired and busy. :)

A Little Contest-Happy

2009-12-10T08:38:00.002-06:00

So, there are several blog contests going on for an HP TouchSmart computer. I am blogging about them to get more entries into the contest. Sorry.

But, seriously, this computer looks AWESOME and I can't even begin to tell you how excited Lonnie would be if we won one.

Check them out!

http://mckgiveaways.blogspot.com/2009/12/hp-touchsmart-giveaway.html

http://boomama.net/hp-touchsmart-600-giveaway/

http://totallytogetherreviews.blogspot.com/2009/12/hp-touchsmart-computer-review-and-give.html

http://kellyskornerreviews.blogspot.com/2009/12/hey-who-wants-to-win-free-computer.html

Once A Month Cooking

2009-10-07T12:53:00.002-05:00

I have never tried Once A Month Cooking - but I would love to. It happens so often that I'm unmotivated to make something for dinner...so we end up going out to eat. It's hard on the budget and it's a challenge to eat something healthy when you're out! A fellow blogger is having a giveaway for the Once A Month Cooking - Family Favorites book. Click HERE to check her out and enter to win!

Oooooh.....HI!!!

2009-09-16T09:25:00.002-05:00

Well hello there, bloggy land! Being at home over the summer with an incredibly demanding 4 year old leaves VERY LITTLE time to blog. Let alone very little time to pee by yourself. Haha...who am I kidding. Every mom knows that you never get to pee by yourself when you have little kids at home.

Jack started his second year of special education preschool this Monday. And I could not be more excited. Neither could he. He loves school, loves his teacher, and LOVES the bus. All he talks about is the bus. When I ask him how his day was at school, he talks to me about the bus. When I ask him who he played with at school, he tells me about the bus. When I try to find out what he had for a snack today, he goes on and on about the bus.

Jack had an autism evaluation in the beginning of September. It went really well and we really liked the psychologists we met with. Long story short, we walked away with a medical diagnosis of autism. Hearing that comes with a lot of mixed emotions. On one hand, we were relieved that they saw "it" too...that we weren't crazy and we aren't just bad parents. On the other hand, it's never easy to hear that your child will have extraordinary challenges throughout life and that there's something that makes them "different" from all of the other kids. The word "AUTISM" just never seems to lose it's weight. On that day, it hit us like a ton of bricks. They suggested that Jack receive clinical speech therapy and occupational therapy. So, we have an appointment at the end of this month with a pediatric rehabilitation center that offers speech and occupational therapies. They will do another evaluation, to see how much therapy he'll need and then we'll go from there. We'll be driving about an hour to each appointment...so I'm not looking forward to that, but I would drive much further than that if it meant doing something that helped Jack!

More Jack news - he has his first dentist appointment this afternoon. Yikes! I'll take pictures and share how that went. I am praying that we both hold it together and can reward ourselves with some Starbucks when it's all said and done.

My FABULOUS husband surprised me for my birthday (29....ahem) and got me a first-class ticket to visit friends in Sacramento. I am so excited to spend time with girlfriends and have a chance to relax. I also think that the time Jack and Lonnie spend together will be good for them. They'll have fun just being boys and hanging out while mom's gone.

Speaking of my fabulous husband - he decided a couple of months ago to take up running and start eating healthier. He has been doing awesome and I am so proud of him. Check out his running blog here - Fat People Run Too!

This year, I am involved with our local MOPS group as the Hospitality Coordinator. Yesterday was our first meeting and it was crazy! Crazy, but absolutely wonderful. It has been so much fun to prepare the theme, decor and "feeling" of the room this year. We went with a spa/relaxing-type theme and it is wonderful. I love all of the ladies that I am serving with and I am excited to be a part of this ministry.

Speaking of ministry - Lonnie and I are currently involved in starting up a new church in our city! It is called NewLife, and it's a campus of LifeChurch in Oklahoma City. It is involving a lot of time, energy and prayer...but it is exciting to see what God is doing here.

Do you see why it's been a challenge to update this thing? Life has been a little crazy around here! Hopefully with Jack in school, I'll have a little extra time to dedicate to the blog. Hopefully.

Visit with Nana

2009-08-03T10:08:00.000-05:00

My mom, Nana, came to visit for Jack's 4th birthday! We had a wonderful visit and Jack was SO excited to see her. Her flight came in Thursday night (late) and we didn't tell Jack that she would be at our house when he woke up in the morning...needless to say, he was thrilled when he woke up and saw Nana in the living room! She got him a "big boy" bike for his birthday, so it was exciting to watch him learn how to ride it with Nana by his side. We also rode on the light rail in Minneapolis (to go from the Mall of America to the airport)...Jack was nervous about the loud "beep" that the train made when the doors closed, so his hands were on his ears most of the time. We also got to go to the water park! It was a really fun filled visit!

4 Years Old

2009-07-28T18:57:00.003-05:00

4 years, 48 months, 208 weeks, 1,460 days, 35,040 hours, 2,102,400 minutes, 126,440,000 seconds. Exactly.

**Edited** Apparently my math was WAAAAAY off. I'm just going to blame that on lack of sleep. I changed it now. I'm going to bed.

What's New

2009-07-07T14:33:00.002-05:00

My posts lately have been more pictures and "fluff" and I haven't really talked about what's going on in our lives. So, whether you want it or not, here it goes!

*Jack is currently in summer school through the school district's special education program. He LOVES it. He loves school. He loves his teachers and his friends. He loves the bus. We have no doubt in our minds that putting him in this program was the right decision. He will start the regular school year in September and will most likely have the same teacher as last year...which we are super excited about. He'll be in preschool another year and then we will need to make the decision if we want him going to kindergarten or waiting another year.

*Jack is also currently on a waiting list for an autism evaluation with Fraser Child & Family Center in Minneapolis. Their wait list is forever long and he probably won't get in until the end of fall or beginning of winter. We are looking forward to this opportunity, though. It will provide a medical diagnosis for Jack and also will help refer us to other therapies that will help him (and us).

*Autism is something we never thought we'd have to deal with, and now we are becoming very familiar with it. Having Jack diagnosed by the school district was not an easy decision and not one that we came to lightly. However, the help that we've received from the school has been wonderful and we know that we've made the right decision. Jack has learned A LOT at school and we are all learning how to cope. Our days are very difficult, but we are learning how to deal with things. Life with Jack is stressful. Life with any 3 (almost 4) year old is stressful, but we are also working through a lot of speech, emotional and cognitive behaviors that just aren't typical. We know that God has made us Jack's parents for a reason. We believe that one reason is to shape us into better people. Jack requires us to use some of the qualities that we lack the most in - patience being #1.

*Lonnie's work is going well. He works from home and we've figured out how to make this work for us! It's been a wonderful thing having him work at home and I've become spoiled. When something in the house breaks, I don't have to wait for him to get home from work...I can just bug him in the middle of the day!

*I am becoming more involved with MOPS and I love it. I am going to be on the "Steering Team" next year and I am excited for the opportunity to work with other moms in our community. I am looking forward to strengthening friendships and meeting new people.

*Lonnie and I were able to go to Kansas City at the end of June - ALONE! Lonnie's mom flew out to watch Jack for the week and we drove to KS. Lonnie was scheduled to go there for a business trip, so I was happy to have the opportunity to tag along. We enjoyed quiet dinners, quiet drives and quiet nights. It was quiet. We could have adult conversation when we wanted to. We could go to bed late and wake up late (7 am IS late in our world). I was able to swim in the pool and lay out by myself. It was fabulous. Of course, we were anxious to get home and be with Jack again. But, our time away was priceless. I would encourage any couple with young kids to do everything they possibly can to get some overnight time away as a couple.

That's about it! We are enjoying summer and all that is has to offer. We've been to the water park several times, we picked strawberries, we've been to the park many times, and are soaking up the warmer weather. Of course, as I type this, it's thundering and raining outside...but who doesn't love a good summer storm?

Visit with Grandma!

2009-06-28T15:25:00.001-05:00

Lonnie's mom came out to Minnesota for the past week. She stayed with Jack while Lonnie and I went on a little mini-vacation to Kansas City (Lonnie had to go there for work and I tagged along). Here are some pictures from her visit!

Small Town Parade

2009-06-15T11:10:00.000-05:00

Last Saturday there was a parade in town. The State Firefighter's Convention was hosted by our city this year and so they had a parade to celebrate! Jack had a great time and almost lasted through the whole thing. It was a really long parade (over 1 1/2 hours!) and he made it through about an hour. Honestly, we were all ready to go home at that point. :)

Like Father....

2009-06-07T09:38:00.003-05:00

Hope

2009-05-26T09:04:00.001-05:00

Homemade Hummus

2009-05-21T07:27:00.002-05:00

This is one of my favorite things to eat. I make it with homemade pita bread and YUM. I eat way too much of it. It's kind of a taste-as-you-go-along recipe, so the measurements aren't exact. I just kind of use them as a starting point and add as I go.

1 can garbanzo beans (chickpeas) - drained
Juice of 1-2 lemons (I used 1 1/2 last time)
2 garlic cloves
Olive Oil (1/4 cup?)
3-4 Tbsp. Tahini Paste
Salt & Pepper to taste
Paprika (optional)

Put everything in the food processor, except for the olive oil. Turn the food processor on and slowly add the olive oil. Blend until texture is acceptable. You can also add the liquid from the garbanzo beans if you want it creamier without adding too much oil. Taste. Add more of whatever you think it needs. Just be sure not to add too much salt. :)

Eat with crackers, pita bread, veggies, or whatever you have around!

A New Adventure

2009-05-03T19:52:00.003-05:00

Since Jack has been diagnosed with autism, we have heard a lot about the gluten-free/casein-free (gfcf) diet. It's a very popular diet used by many families with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and some families swear it helps their children function better. The theory is that children with ASD aren't able to properly digest gluten and casein proteins, which causes an opiate-like effect in their bodies. In turn, their behavior, immune system and development are affected.

SO. After a lot of thought, a lot of prayer and reading a lot of information, we are exploring starting this diet with Jack. Today, we went to Whole Foods (over an hour away) and picked up some of their pre-packaged gfcf foods. Our thinking is that we'll slowly ease into it before going "cold-turkey." We want to see what foods Jack likes and will eat. Once we figure out what he'll eat, then I can dive deeper into this and start making those foods at home, instead of buying them pre-packaged. Jack is a VERY picky eater to begin with, so this should be interesting.

Here's what $60 buys you in the world of gfcf. :)

Tuesday Evening Funny

2009-04-28T19:20:00.002-05:00

For some reason, I just had this memory come back to me - and I thought I'd share it with all of you. It makes me laugh. :)

When I was pregnant with Jack, my OB/GYN gave me the name of the lactation consultant at the hospital. When he told me her name, it took everything in me not to burst out laughing. He reassured me that it wasn't a joke. Her name???

Candi Mellons

(for the record, she was one of the nicest people I met at the hospital)

Spring is here!

2009-04-25T14:00:00.001-05:00

Drama King

2009-04-24T13:55:00.000-05:00

We were outside playing this morning and Jack fell on the driveway, scraping his knee. I took these pictures over the course of about an hour. He did not stop talking about his "owie" the whole time.

New Haircut

2009-04-17T15:14:00.003-05:00

Given the 70* weather today, I figured I'd go ahead and give Jack a haircut. I normally only do this during the summer, but I couldn't see spending another $15 for a "professional" cut. He had a ton of hair! Here he is, watching Bolt, naked. (Really, is there any other way?)

Easter!

2009-04-16T10:42:00.006-05:00

We colored Easter eggs on Saturday...

Went for a little Easter egg hunt Saturday evening...

Video of Easter morning (after church, before family gathering)...
(Jack keeps saying "Where's the chewies?" He was looking for jelly beans. :) )

There they are!!!

Enjoying a chocolate bunny...

Sitting down for dinner (at Penny & Paul's house...my dad's wife's sister's house...confusing enough?)

He really liked his chick.

Jack and Kiki (my dad's wife)

They sucked Lonnie into playing a game! I had to take a picture because Lonnie NEVER plays games! :)

Our Trip To Washington (just a little late!)

2009-04-13T08:06:00.002-05:00

Jack and his cousins, Gracie and Allie, enjoying a yummy breakfast at Grandma and Grandpa's!

The cousins watching Mickey Mouse. :)

Jack and Gracie playing outside with bubbles.

Shanna, Josh, Jack and Nana on the way to the Pacific Science Center.

Jack and Daddy at a really big table at the science center.

How Lonnie really felt about the science center. :)

Jack and his first Chuck E. Cheese experience (he wasn't too crazy about it). :)

Let's talk sensitive kids...

2009-04-01T17:12:00.004-05:00

Jack has a thing about hair/fuzz. Hair in his mouth, hair in his eyes, hair on his food. It sends him into a huge tantrum most of the time. Unfortunately for him, we have two pets and quite a bit of dust, so there's a lot of hair/fuzzies flying around our house.

We were eating pancakes for dinner tonight when he started complaining that there was a hair on his piece of pancake. He refused to focus on anything other than the hair on his pancake. So he handed it to me and told me to take it off (I'd like to say that he asked me nicely to take it off, but in reality, he yelled and commanded me to take it off). I inspected the offending piece of pancake and couldn't see anything. I looked closer. Nothing. Closer, closer, closer. Oh look - here's what I saw....

Do you see it??? Here's a little help....

Amazing. Absolutely amazing.

Why God Didn't Make Eggs Blue

2009-03-24T18:08:00.004-05:00

I was in a funk this morning. I decided to snap out of it and have a [somewhat] fun day with Jack. I declared it "BLUE" day. Everything would be blue.

We started with a blue bath.

We wore all blue clothes (including underwear).

We moved on to watching Blue's Clues.

We played with blue shaving cream on the table.

We had a blue lunch. (Unfortunately, this was the only thing I took a picture of. I think the title of this post speaks for itself when you see the pictures below.)

We had 4 blue M&Ms.

BLUE soy milk, BLUE noodles, BLUEberries, and BLUE scrambled eggs (looked so gross).

"I really am not too sure about this."

"I suppose I'll give it a try."

"Can I have my M&Ms now?"

That's pretty much where BLUE day ended. Jack took a nap (HOLY COW!) and was in a really rotten mood after he woke up. He really had fun with the blue theme, though. I definitely think there will be more days like this in the future.

Overwhelmed Mommy

2009-03-16T11:35:00.002-05:00

Today I am feeling slightly overwhelmed. I think I've been reading too many blogs. It's the overwhelming feeling that comes with the desire to "do it all." I know that a lot of moms struggle with the feeling that they need to be "Super Mom" and be an expert in all areas of life. No offense to anyone who's big on these things...there's absolutely nothing "wrong" with any of these things. But, here's a small list of what is plaguing me today:

**Couponing. Cut coupons. Lots of the them. Get great deals at the stores. If you're not saving 80-90% on your grocery bill, then you're wasting money. Cut, cut, cut. Use coupons for everything.

**"Green." Make sure you don't use any non-green cleaners in your house. Make sure everything's organic. Healthy, healthy, healthy.

**Make all your food from scratch. Forget coupons...to really save money, you need to make every bit of your family's food from scratch. Since you're a stay-at-home-mom, you should have the time to be in the kitchen all day!

**A perfectly organized/clean house. Develop systems for picking up and organizing your house. It should be "ready for show" at any time of the day. De-clutter. Keep your sink empty. Do certain things on certain days. Spread it out throughout the week.

**A busy mom/a busy kid. Enroll your kid in lots of activities. Make sure they have something to do every day of the week. When they're at home, make sure you're constantly involving them in different things. Make games. Spend all of your free time with them. No TV. Flashcards. Arts and crafts. Lots of reading. Engage, engage, engage.

10 Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew

2009-03-12T14:39:00.002-05:00

I was given this handout today by Jack's preschool teacher and thought that it was SO informative. It's always a good reminder to view things through Jack's eyes and remember that the way he sees the world is different from the way we see it.

It is written by Ellen Notbohm, author of the book Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew.

1. I am first and foremost a child. I have autism. I am not primarily "autistic." My autism is only one aspect of my total character. It does not define me as a person. Are you a person with thoughts, feelings and many talents, or are you just fat (overweight), myopic (wear glasses) or klutzy (uncoordinated, not good at sports)? Those may be things that I see first when I meet you, but they are not necessarily what you are all about.

As an adult, you have some control over how you define yourself. If you want to single out a single characteristic, you can make that known. As a child, I am still unfolding. Neither you nor I yet know what I may be capable of. Defining me by one characteristic runs the danger of setting up an expectation that may be too low. And if I get a sense that you don't think I "can do it," my natural response will be: Why try?

2. My sensory perceptions are disordered. Sensory integration may be the most difficult aspect of autism to understand, but it is arguably the most critical. It his means that the ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches of everyday that you may not even notice can be downright painful for me. The very environment in which I have to live often seems hostile. I may appear withdrawn or belligerent to you but I am really just trying to defend myself. Here is why a "simple" trip to the grocery store may be hell for me:

My hearing may be hyper-acute. Dozens of people are talking at once. The loudspeaker booms today's special. Musak whines from the sound system. Cash registers beep and cough, a coffee grinder is chugging. The meat cutter screeches, babies wail, carts creak, the fluorescent lighting hums. My brain can't filter all the input and I'm in overload!

My sense of smell may be highly sensitive. The fish at the meat counter isn't quite fresh, the guy standing next to us hasn't showered today, the deli is handing out sausage samples, the baby in line ahead of us has a poopy diaper, they're mopping up pickles on aisle 3 with ammonia….I can't sort it all out. I am dangerously nauseated.

Because I am visually oriented (see more on this below), this may be my first sense to become overstimulated. The fluorescent light is not only too bright, it buzzes and hums. The room seems to pulsate and it hurts my eyes. The pulsating light bounces off everything and distorts what I am seeing -- the space seems to be constantly changing. There's glare from windows, too many items for me to be able to focus (I may compensate with "tunnel vision"), moving fans on the ceiling, so many bodies in constant motion. All this affects my vestibular and proprioceptive senses, and now I can't even tell where my body is in space.

3. Please remember to distinguish between won't (I choose not to) and can't (I am not able to). Receptive and expressive language and vocabulary can be major challenges for me. It isn't that I don't listen to instructions. It's that I can't understand you. When you call to me from across the room, this is what I hear: "*&^%$#@, Billy. #$%…" Instead, come speak directly to me in plain words: "Please put your book in your desk, Billy. It's time to go to lunch." This tells me what you want me to do and what is going to happen next. Now it is much easier for me to comply.

4. I am a concrete thinker. This means I interpret language very literally. It's very confusing for me when you say, "Hold your horses, cowboy!" when what you really mean is "Please stop running." Don't tell me something is a "piece of cake" when there is no dessert in sight and what you really mean is "this will be easy for you to do." When you say "Jamie really burned up the track," I see a kid playing with matches. Please just tell me "Jamie ran very fast."

Idioms, puns, nuances, double entendres, inference, metaphors, allusions and sarcasm are lost on me.

5. Please be patient with my limited vocabulary. It's hard for me to tell you what I need when I don't know the words to describe my feelings. I may be hungry, frustrated, frightened or confused but right now those words are beyond my ability to express. Be alert for body language, withdrawal, agitation or other signs that something is wrong.

Or, there's a flip side to this: I may sound like a "little professor" or movie star, rattling off words or whole scripts well beyond my developmental age. These are messages I have memorized from the world around me to compensate for my language deficits because I know I am expected to respond when spoken to. They may come from books, TV, the speech of other people. It is called "echolalia." I don't necessarily understand the context or the terminology I'm using. I just know that it gets me off the hook for coming up with a reply.

6. Because language is so difficult for me, I am very visually oriented. Please show me how to do something rather than just telling me. And please be prepared to show me many times. Lots of consistent repetition helps me learn.

A visual schedule is extremely helpful as I move through my day. Like your PDA or day-timer, it relieves me of the stress of having to remember what comes next, makes for smooth transition between activities, helps me manage my time and meet your expectations.

I won't lose the need for a visual schedule as I get older, but my "level of representation" may change. Before I can read, I need a visual schedule with photographs or simple drawings. As I get older, a combination of words and pictures may work, and later still, just words.

7. Please focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can't do. Like any other human, I can't learn in an environment where I'm constantly made to feel that I'm not good enough and that I need "fixing." Trying anything new when I am almost sure to be met with criticism, however "constructive," becomes something to be avoided. Look for my strengths and you will find them. There is more than one "right" way to do most things.

8. Please help me with social interactions. It may look like I don't want to play with the other kids on the playground, but sometimes it's just that I simply do not know how to start a conversation or enter a play situation. If you can encourage other children to invite me to join them at kickball or shooting baskets, it may be that I'm delighted to be included.

I do best in structured play activities that have a clear beginning and end. I don't know how to "read" facial expressions, body language or the emotions of others, so I appreciate ongoing coaching in proper social responses. For example, if I laugh when Emily falls off the slide, it's not that I think it's funny. It's that I don't know the proper response. Teach me to say "Are you OK?"

9. Try to identify what triggers my meltdowns. Meltdowns, blow-ups, tantrums or whatever you want to call them are even more horrid for me than they are for you. They occur because one or more of my senses has gone into overload. If you can figure out why my meltdowns occur, they can be prevented. Keep a log noting times, settings, people, activities. A pattern may emerge.

Try to remember that all behavior is a form of communication. It tells you, when my words cannot, how I perceive something that is happening in my environment.

Parents, keep in mind as well: persistent behavior may have an underlying medical cause. Food allergies and sensitivities, sleep disorders and gastrointestinal problems can all have profound effects on behavior.

10. Love me unconditionally. Banish thoughts like, "If he would just……" and "Why can't she….." You did not fulfill every last expectation your parents had for you and you wouldn't like being constantly reminded of it. I did not choose to have autism. But remember that it is happening to me, not you. Without your support, my chances of successful, self-reliant adulthood are slim. With your support and guidance, the possibilities are broader than you might think. I promise you – I am worth it.

And finally, three words: Patience. Patience. Patience. Work to view my autism as a different ability rather than a disability. Look past what you may see as limitations and see the gifts autism has given me. It may be true that I'm not good at eye contact or conversation, but have you noticed that I don't lie, cheat at games, tattle on my classmates or pass judgment on other people? Also true that I probably won't be the next Michael Jordan. But with my attention to fine detail and capacity for extraordinary focus, I might be the next Einstein. Or Mozart. Or Van Gogh.

They may have had autism too.

The answer to Alzheimer's, the enigma of extraterrestrial life -- what future achievements from today's children with autism, children like me, lie ahead?

All that I might become won't happen without you as my foundation. Be my advocate, be my friend, and we'll see just how far I can go.

Menu Plan Monday!

2009-03-09T13:39:00.004-05:00

It's been awhile! I am giving myself a challenge this week - use the crockpot for all 7 nights of the week. I am excited to do it! I need something to help motivate me to cook at home. We have been eating out WAY too much, so everything is going to be eaten at home this week. I even have our breakfasts/lunches/snacks planned out. I can SO do this!

MONDAY -
Breakfast: Rice Krispies, yogurt
Lunch: PB&J/Turkey sandwiches
Dinner: Chicken & Dumplings with frozen veggies

TUESDAY -
Breakfast: Granola with yogurt
Lunch: Grilled cheese with soup
Dinner: Hash Brown Casserole w/fruit

WEDNESDAY -
Breakfast: Scrambled eggs (and maybe cereal)
Lunch: PB&J/Tuna sandwiches
Dinner: Cranberry Chicken w/salad (Jack will have pasta with butter and parmesan)

THURSDAY -
Breakfast: Cereal
Lunch: Quesadillas
Dinner: Meatloaf w/pasta salad

FRIDAY -
Breakfast: Frozen waffles
Lunch: PB&J/Egg salad sandwiches
Dinner: Hot & Sour Soup w/frozen eggrolls (Jack will have Mac & Cheese)

SATURDAY -
Breakfast: Pancakes w/eggs and sausage
Lunch: Turkey sandwiches
Dinner: Teriyaki Chicken w/rice

SUNDAY -
Breakfast: Oatmeal
Lunch: PB&J
Dinner: Leftovers!

Don't forget to check out I'm an Organizing Junkie for HUNDREDS of menu plans!

22 Questions with Jack

2009-03-05T18:35:00.002-06:00

I've seen these questions floating around and I thought it would be fun to ask them of Jack. He was watching Blue's Clues while I was asking the questions, but he responded surprisingly well. I was impressed!

What is something mom always says to you?

Help (I think I say it more like this - HELP!!!!!!)

2. What makes mom happy?
The Stroller (???)

3. What makes mom sad?
The Mater (from the movie “Cars.” He doesn’t make me sad.)

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Buster

5. What was your mom like as a child?
Did I go to McDonald’s? (I don’t know what McDonald’s has to do with a child.)

6. How old is your mom?
3

7. How tall is your mom?
Big

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Play with you

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Play with you

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Playing (I’m starting to see a theme here.)

11. What is your mom really good at?
Rhode Island (Hmmm???)

12. What is your mom not very good at?
At Rhode Island

13. What does your mom do for a job?
Joe (uh, OK)

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
Chicken

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
I make you so happy

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Fred (from Blue’s Clues – that’s what he is watching as I ask questions)

17. What do you and your mom do together?
My puzzle

18. How are you and your mom the same?
Zook (no clue)

19. How are you and your mom different?
Zooks (again, no clue)

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Play with you (I think he wants me to play with him)

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
Sad of daddy (???)

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
In the car!!!

We like to move it, move it!

2009-02-06T11:00:00.003-06:00

Across the Aisle

2009-02-05T08:15:00.003-06:00

We went to Target last night to get Jack some bigger underwear. For starters, it's hard for me to grasp the fact that we're buying big boy underwear in the first place. I knew that we would eventually come to this point, but it's still weird for me to watch Jack running around in underwear and not a diaper. Anyway, we had to go to Target to get bigger underwear. The 4T underwear that we had was getting too small. (!!!!!!) Well, that's the biggest size that they carry in toddler underwear. So...we had to cross the aisle. To the BIG BOY side of Target. Where the clothes are big enough to fit 13 year old boys. We had to buy underwear in the BIG BOY section. Amongst the briefs and boxer-briefs. My baby is too little to wear underwear from that section! It's very scary. I think I might have to send just Lonnie and Jack to buy those kind of things from now on.

We've been working out A LOT

2009-02-03T03:49:00.003-06:00

Create your own FACEinHOLE

Create your own FACEinHOLE

And maybe we had some work done. Just a little bit.

Thanks

2009-02-02T14:31:00.003-06:00

Thanks for your encouragement. I was having a bad day. I was typing the last post as Jack was screaming while Lonnie was trying to give him a bath and get him to bed. It was a long day. We were all very tired. Not all moments are like that. I was just at the point where I needed to get it all out...and you all got to be the recipients of that lovely vent!

We had Jack's preschool conference this morning with his teacher. It went really well. As we already knew, he is doing great at school. There are a few things he needs more work on (doing activities independently, identifying emotions, some communication skills), but he is meeting all of his IEP goals. His IEP (Individualized Education Program) "expires" next fall, so we will review the whole thing at that time. He will most likely go to a school-funded preschool next year. It's not quite "mainstream" preschool, but there will be neurotypical kids in his class, along with some special education kids. He will have a "regular" teacher and a special education teacher at the same time. It sounds like it will really be a great thing for him. Kind of a halfway point between special education and mainstream school. And then the year after that will be kindergarten. OH MY!

His teacher gave us some good ideas on how to manage Jack better at home. Ways to help him communicate his frustrations better and ways to help us deal with tantrums, screaming, etc. Hopefully some if it works!

Again, thanks to everyone for your encouragement. We know that God gave us Jack for a very specific purpose. He is our child for a reason. We are learning to lean on God more than we've ever had to before. We are learning so much through this process. Both mentally and spiritually. :)

I cannot tell a lie

2009-01-31T18:34:00.002-06:00

I haven't been posting much because I am finding it hard to be all "sunshine-y" right now. Jack's behavior has gotten worse recently and we're really struggling with how to handle it. I've always told myself that "things will get better" and have the mindset that he'll just grow out of most of this...but lately I've had the realization that things might not get better. Things might stay the same. Things might get worse. Jack will get bigger and stronger and smarter.

His listening skills have gone way down. He doesn't listen to most of the things we tell him or ask him to do. He yells and screams A LOT. He throws many tantrums throughout the day. A lot of what we say doesn't "register" with him and we get a lot of blank stares. Parts of his communication have improved, but other parts seem to be regressing. It doesn't seem to matter how we talk to him or how we discipline him - things just keep getting worse. It doesn't matter whether we talk calmly to him or if we yell at him - he reacts the same way. It doesn't matter whether we put him in time-out, try to re-direct him or ignore it - he reacts the same way. He yells and screams. And then he screams and yells some more. We spend quality time with him. We play with him. We read to him. We have a pretty well-structured day. We give him plenty of warnings as to what activities come next. We give him reasons. We love on him. We keep his routine consistent. We talk to him all of the time. And it seems that none of that makes a difference. His behavior (even if it is completely unintentional on his part) is like a slap in the face to us. We TRY. I wish there was an easy solution to this.

What makes this even more difficult is that no one else sees this. No one else sees the way Jack acts at home. He acts fine at school. His teacher has mentioned that she can tell he's "holding it together" at school...just because he's at school. He's absolutely adorable when we're in public and he smiles and says "hi" to all of the people. He's a ham at the doctor's office. Everyone just thinks he is the cutest kid ever. But once he's told something that he doesn't like or doesn't get his way or gets upset over something (that is invisible to us), he turns into a different child. And, let's be honest, you can't let a preschooler have their way all of the time. We still need to be parents.

Autism sucks. There's just no other way to put it. We have so much to learn and so much to figure out. We feel lost. We are tired of being yelled and screamed at. We are tired of repeating the same instructions hundreds of times. We are tired of not sleeping well. We are tired of the tantrums. Lonnie and I are just so, so tired.

Just another Wednesday...

2009-01-21T15:02:00.002-06:00

Jack's new glasses!

Jack decorated my face with stickers.
(ignore the laundry on the couch!)

Negativity

2009-01-15T07:23:00.003-06:00

A warning - this post is one huge vent. I am sick and tired of winter and I need somewhere to get it out. You all get to be the recipients of this lovely outburst.

It is ridiculously cold outside. So cold, that they've cancelled school. Jack also has next Monday off, so we get a 5-day weekend. Which you would normally think is a nice thing. But, when you have a kid that thrives on routine/schedule and absolutely loves school...it's not a good thing. I am really not looking forward to having him in the house for that long. He keeps asking to go outside. And I keep having to say "no, it's too cold out." I am tired of saying that he can't go outside because it's too cold! And this morning I had to tell him that he couldn't go to school because it's too cold. I keep saying, "when it gets warmer." In like, 3 months! I am tired of watching the same shows on TV. I am tired of going to McDonald's because it's the only indoor playplace in our city. I am tired of listening to Jack whine about not being able to play outside. It is so cold that the heater is constantly running. Our heating bill was already "up there" last month...I am dreading to see what it is this month. The heater has a hard time heating up the house because it is SO cold out.

I don't know why we're here. We keep waiting for this "reason" of why we're supposed to be here - but this big "reason" hasn't shown up yet. What if we're waiting for nothing? What if the "reason" has already happened? What if it was that Jack was diagnosed with autism and got started with school? What if it was to meet certain people...and we've already met them? What if our big lesson has already taken place and we're just waiting for something bigger that's not really going to happen? When is it time to move on?

And, on the topic of moving...we know that chances are VERY slim that we would be able to sell our house. Even more slim that we would be able to break even on the price. Our city isn't really somewhere that people want to move to. The big companies here are laying off people and cutting back production. Things are going downhill. So even if we decided that we were going to move, it would be near impossible to get out of our house. We are STUCK here. Who knows when the real estate market will turn around. I don't think I can handle years and years of this. Seriously. I am sick of it. I hate it.

I heard this song by Third Day on the radio the other day, and it couldn't more accurately describe how I'm feeling. I am crying out to God to show me (us) what to do.

My life,

Has led me down the road that's so uncertain

And now I am left alone and I am broken,

Trying to find my way,

Trying to find the faith that's gone

This time,

I know that you are holding all the answers

I'm tired of losing hope and taking chances,

On roads that never seem,

To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation,

Show me what to do

Cause I've been trying to find my way,

I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here,

Or do I need to move

Give me a revelation

I've got nothing without You

I've got nothing without You

My life,

Has led me down this path that's ever winding

Through every twist and turn I'm always finding,

That I am lost again (I am lost again)

Tell me when this road will ever end

Give me a revelation,

Show me what to do

Cause I've been trying to find my way,

I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here,

Or do I need to move

Give me a revelation

I've got nothing without You

I've got nothing without...

I don't know where I can turn

Tell me when will I learn

Won't You show me where I need to go

Oh oh

Let me follow Your lead,

I know that it's the only way that I can get back home

Give me a revelation,

Show me what to do

Cause I've been trying to find my way,

I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here,

Or do I need to move

Give me a revelation

I've got nothing without You

I've got nothing without You

Oh, give me a revelation...

I've got nothing without You

I've got nothing without You

The Cheese Song

2009-01-14T07:45:00.006-06:00

Lonnie recorded Jack playing his guitar and singing the "Cheese Song" the other day while I was out. It's a 3-part act. Enjoy. :)

East & West

2009-01-08T03:51:00.000-06:00

It seems that Jack has had somewhat of a compromised immune system...especially the last 2 years. He was catching EVERY bug and it always turned into a nasty cough that would keep us all up at night. He would be healthy for a couple of weeks (at the most) and then he would get sick again. I was tired of constantly going to our pediatrician and hearing the word "virus." If it wasn't a virus, then it was an ear infection. Through the suggestion of a friend, we took him to see a chiropractor. The thought was that if we could get him all "aligned" and get his nerves working right, then his immune system would be stronger (I'm sure there's much more to it than that, but that's what I remember at the moment).

He has been to the chiropractor 5 times and it's like a new kid....almost. He was quite healthy for a couple of months, and then he just came down with an ear infection Sunday night. Fever, cranky, lethargic, the works. So, I took him to see his pediatrician on Monday and sure enough...it's an ear infection. So, we load up on amoxicillin and ibuprofen.

He had a chiropractor appointment today. The chiropractor looks in his ears and says, "I disagree that he has an ear infection." His ears look great, although one of them is slightly red and inflamed. AND, the kid has so much wax in his ears that the doctor has a hard time seeing anything at all. (About that wax thing - first they tell you that you're not supposed to use q-tips on kids' ears and then I get all these comments that he has too much wax in his ears. What's a mom to do?) But, his neck has moved more at this visit than it did at any previous visits. And, Jack didn't cry this time (huge deal).

Obviously the chiropractic is helping. Jack's immune system is much stronger and we're not constantly dealing with a sick kid. This is especially impressive since this is his first year in school (during a Minnesota winter, none-the-less). Our pediatrician is all for the "alternative" treatment, in moderation. I feel like we're finding a nice balance between alternative and traditional medicine.

My problem is that I always feel ashamed to tell either doctor that I've taken him to someone else. Almost like cheating. It's like I have to confess to them that I'm "seeing someone" outside of their practice and I'm just waiting for them to tell me what a bad person I am. But, it hasn't happened. Both doctors are wonderful and understanding of the whole situation. And I feel like we're doing what's best for our son.

I finally feel like we've done something right in this whole parenting thing!

Multi-Talented

2009-01-07T09:20:00.005-06:00

I let Jack have control of the camera this morning and he thought it was the best thing ever. Here are some of his masterpieces.

Buster's one-eyed bunny rabbit, a firetruck and other miscellaneous toys/junk.

The corner of the recliner.

The back end of the firetruck.

Lightning McQueen.

In case the whole photography thing doesn't work out, I think Jack has a good shot at becoming a professional flasher. I asked him to show me his new robe last night and this is what he did....

Some really late Christmas pictures

2009-01-03T13:33:00.005-06:00

All dressed up, getting ready to sing in "big church" the Sunday before Christmas. (Video to come soon)

Saying something about opening presents.

Being upset about opening presents (he was pretty much done after 3).

Checking out a toy car.

Playing with a new blanket from Grandma.

Playing his guitar with new BIG picks.

Silence

2009-01-01T19:14:00.005-06:00

I have been trying to write a new post for almost 3 weeks. But every time I sit at the computer, the words have a hard time coming out. I was going to write a post about the new year and reflect back on 2008, but that just made me want to whine. Truthfully, it's been a very difficult year. But in the midst of it all, God is still faithful. I am learning that God is not silent. Even when we don't feel Him, He is working. His answers might not always be the ones I'm hoping for, but I continue to trust that He is sovereign. I lean into His promises of never leaving me and always loving me.

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.” - Helen Keller

(Hopefully I will write more very soon!)

Jack has THE best dad ever...

2008-12-13T15:38:00.003-06:00

Well, He IS everywhere...

2008-12-11T13:10:00.003-06:00

I was trying to get Jack to go potty before his nap. He was sitting on the toilet and I was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, across from him. I was singing "Away in a Manger" with him, trying to pass the time and see if something could get accomplished. Here's how the song went...(sung by Jack)

"Away in a manger,
No crib for a bed.
The Lord Jesus lay down his sweet head.
The stars in the sky
Look down where he lives in the potty."

and then...
"There's Jesus in the potty!" (said as he's putting his head between his legs, looking into the toilet bowl.)

We both had a good laugh.

Little Elves

2008-12-07T20:49:00.001-06:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

First School Picture

2008-12-04T14:08:00.002-06:00

Oh my word. This is Jack's first school picture, taken a couple of weeks ago. I hope this isn't the beginning of a trend.

I think they caught him in the middle of saying "Cheese!"

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

2008-11-27T05:42:00.000-06:00

About that...

2008-11-25T07:15:00.000-06:00

I realize that I was a little vague in my post about Jack's diagnosis of Asperger's and his starting preschool. So, I will try to be a little more specific this time. :)

We first started noticing that things were "different" about Jack around the time that he turned 2. He screamed a lot when he couldn't effectively communicate and he was a very difficult toddler. He often played by himself and was rarely interested in what other kids were doing. A lot of things just seemed "off." But, we decided to wait until he was 3 to pursue anything - just to see if we were dealing with normal toddler "quirks" or something else.

By the time he was 3, things were getting worse. He has a large vocabulary, but doesn't quite know how to use it correctly. He says things that don't make sense. For instance, I will ask him "Jack, is that a good cookie?" And he will say, "Did you wait for the bus today?" Almost everything he responds with is a question. He has a very difficult time answering questions. If someone asks him "What is your favorite color/cartoon/toy?" He has no idea what to say back to them. He has a lot of sensory problems. He hates trying new things. We have to listen to/watch the same songs and movies over and over and over and over again. If we try to introduce something new to the mix, we encounter huge tantrums and fights.

Why haven't I mentioned anything on the blog? Well, I like to keep things somewhat light on the blog. A lot of family reads the blog and I don't want to take up a lot of time venting about problems we're having with Jack and what a difficult child he is. Plus, people have a lot of opinions about Autism and "labeling." We've encountered several negative attitudes about Jack going through evaluations and being put in preschool. So, I try to be careful about who we talk to and what we share. This is a time when we need encouragement, not criticism.

To an adult that doesn't spend much time with Jack, he appears to be a pretty normal kid. He laughs and is silly and says a lot of words. He is very comfortable around adults. He says "hi" and smiles. But, if you spend some good quality time with him, you can see that some things just don't "click" with him. So, we're working on that. School has been fabulous. He is doing so well and is really enjoying his time there. We've already noticed some progress with his communication...that has been very encouraging.

Sorry if this post is a little choppy. I'm trying to organize my thoughts and put out as much information as I can...but I feel like I'm not doing too well with that! :)

If you'd like more information on Autism/Asperger's, here are some great links...

http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=life_aspergers

http://www.autismspeaks.org/navigating/index.php

http://maapservices.org/Publications/Stephen_Bauer_Article.asp

Grandma & Grandpa

2008-11-24T11:30:00.003-06:00

Last week, Grandma and Grandpa (Lonnie's parents) came for a visit! Unfortunately, I forgot to take our camera with us most places, so we didn't get too many pictures. But, we had a lot of fun visiting with them! Jack had a blast being spoiled and loved on.

Oh. Hi.

2008-11-21T06:41:00.002-06:00

I have a blog? I've forgotten about it for the past 11 days? Oh. Sorry about that.

Regular posting will resume soon. Lonnie's parents have been here for the past week and life has been a little hectic. In the meantime, let this adorable picture hold you over.

Menu Plan Monday!!!

2008-11-10T09:12:00.003-06:00

So, here's my menu plan for the next 2 weeks. I am sticking with not assigning each meal to a day - it seems to work better for us that way. Then I don't feel like I'm not following the "plan" when I switch days. (I know, I'm weird.)

Fried Rice with frozen eggrolls

Buffalo Chicken Dip (Crockpot)

Chicken and Dumplings (Crockpot) - RECIPE BELOW!

French toast (homemade sweet bread) with bacon and eggs

White Cheese Pizza

Black bean burritos

Taco salad (using black beans from burritos)

Chicken Caesar Salad (with homemade french bread and croutons)

Chicken Lettuce Wraps (Crockpot)

Nasty Nachos with lentils

Autumn Sausage Casserole (Crockpot)

I also bought 3 frozen/convenience meals for the next two weeks. Sometimes there are days where I just don't feel like cooking and we figured that eating a frozen meal is cheaper than going to eat out. We're trying really hard to cut down our eating out budget. Really hard! I also am trying to plan more meals in the crockpot...that way I can start dinner in the morning to avoid the "what's for dinner" rush in the evening.

Chicken & Dumplings

4 chicken breasts (boneless skinless)
2 cans cream of chicken/mushroom soup
2 Tbsp. butter
1 onion, chopped
1 large can refrigerated biscuits

Put chicken, soup, butter and onion in crockpot. Cook on low for 8 hours or on high for 5-6 hours.
Now, you can do the dumplings a couple different ways. A half hour before serving, you can tear up the biscuit dough into pieces and put them on top of the chicken in the crockpot. Set on high and let them cook for 1/2 hour. This will cook the biscuits thoroughly, but they will still have that "wet" dumpling texture. OR, you can bake the biscuits separately in the oven and then serve the chicken and sauce on top of a couple of split biscuits. This is our favorite way. :)

Don't forget I'm an Organizing Junkie for more menus!!!

The thing I haven't really talked about yet

2008-11-05T19:45:00.005-06:00

At Jack's 3 year well-child checkup, we filled out a questionnaire for the pediatrician, just answering questions about tasks that Jack could accomplish, his language/comprehension skills, and his overall development. As it turns out, he was pretty behind on almost all of the areas that were measured (4 out of 5). So, we were referred to ECSE (Early Childhood Special Education) which is through our local school district. Jack went through several evaluations, all done at our home, and they compiled all of this information into a report. He went through speech, psychological, autism and occupational therapy evaluation. After they were done with this process, we were informed that Jack meets the criteria for a diagnosis of Autism. Specifically, high-functioning autism, or Asperger's.

We experienced so many emotions when we received his diagnosis. We felt relief, because we knew that we weren't crazy and that other people noticed that there was something "off" about Jack too. We felt anger, because who were these people that barely knew our son to come in and tell us that there was something wrong with him? We were sad, because our only son was not "normal." We were guilty, because there's a part of you that wonders if you were the cause of these problems.

Jack's main symptoms include problems with language comprehension, echolalia (repeating what he hears us say, whether it's immediate or delayed), sensory issues, problems focusing, being very schedule-oriented, not being interested in other children, and having a hard time with transitions or new things.

All of this to say...Jack started preschool this week! He is going to the ECSE preschool, 4 days a week in the morning. He started on Tuesday. Today was his first day taking the bus. So far, it seems like he's really enjoying it. He really likes his teacher and she is an awesome lady. Today he actually named some of the kids in his class for me! There are 8 kids in his class (including him) and 4 adults...so he really gets a lot of quality attention. He meets one-on-one with a speech therapist and also gets some time with an occupational therapist.

When we dropped him off yesterday, he waved "bye" to us as he walked into the classroom and had a big smile on his face! When we put him on the bus this morning, he was so excited to ride the bus, but once he realized that we weren't going with him, he got a very concerned look on his face and didn't smile as they were driving away....but he did great and made it home safe and sound!

Here are some pictures of my BIG boy and his first couple days of school!!!

Standing at the front doors of the school.

Oh my gosh, he's gotten so big. When did this happen?

Putting his backpack in his cubby with his teacher.

Talking to the bus driver as his friends were getting off the bus.

Waving bye!

All buckled in! First time on the bus, today.

Away!

2008-10-31T20:58:00.005-05:00

Jack dressed up as "Super Jack" for Halloween. He loved it! We had a hard time coming up with a costume this year. We couldn't find a store-bought costume that we liked and I ran out of time to order one online. And I didn't want to spend $30 for a costume that he would wear once. So, we ended up coming up with Super Jack and I managed to put it together myself! Unfortunately, someone didn't really like wearing the mask, so it ended up being up on his forehead most of the day. But, he was still super cute! His favorite thing to do was grab his cape and pretend he was going to fly and say "Super Jack - AWAY!"

Jack also received a Halloween surprise in the mail from Grandma! He got a very cool car toy that shoots cars down ramps, some candy, a pumpkin cup and some cookies to decorate. He loved it all and the car toy is one of his favorite toys now. Thank you, grandma!

The day I don't want to talk about.

2008-10-28T11:18:00.002-05:00

It snowed. On October 26th. It snowed. It started at about 10:45 am and didn't end until sometime in the late evening. Thank goodness it melted quickly and didn't stick around. It is beautiful and sunny today, but it is freezing. It appears that winter has made its way to Minnesota. I am pretty grouchy about it, but trying to get over it. Really.

Our crazy dog loves the snow.

Viral

2008-10-23T07:51:00.000-05:00

We've discovered that Jack loves watching funny cat/dog videos on the internets. Unfortunately, this means that we have to be very careful about what we click on when we're visiting youtube. Some of those (OK, A LOT of those) videos just aren't appropriate for a 3 year old - let alone a 30 year old.

Anyway - here is some video of Jack laughing at this video.

And here is another one of our favorites. :)

Spiderman

2008-10-22T11:45:00.004-05:00

It seems that Jack caught the "climbing bug" a little late. Most toddlers start climbing fairly early (18 months - 2 years old?), and we thought that we were fortunate that Jack didn't seem to be much of a climber. Oops. We thought too soon. Here's some pictures of the latest mountain Jack has conquered.

A Moment of Awe

2008-10-17T07:42:00.000-05:00

As I was unloading the groceries the other day (one of my least favorite jobs), I was awe-struck. I am amazed at how God continues to provide for our needs...and how often we fail to realize that. It is so easy to complain about what He doesn't provide, that we fail to recognize all that He does provide. I have the ability to drive my vehicle to the grocery store, walk through the aisles, pick out what I "need" and purchase them with cash and make meals for my family.

We've recently cut waaaaaay back on our "eating out" budget and that is a big deal for us. We enjoy eating out and sometimes eating at home just isn't as fun. But we know that we need to be good stewards of our finances...and spending $20 on mediocre food (when we could have the same meal...much healthier and tastier at home for a fraction of the cost) just isn't accomplishing that goal. I spent quite a bit of time coming up with yummy menus that we would enjoy eating...but that were also low-cost. Sometimes this feels like a horrible chore to me. I would much rather just buy what I want from the store without having to think about cost or the budget. I grumble and complain about having to watch what I spend and what store I have to spend it at. Way.Too.Often.

Back to my moment of awe - as I was unloading bags and bags of groceries, I was brought to tears by God's goodness. His grace and mercy. I've been doing a Bible study at church on the life of David and we've been talking about having a "Who am I?" moment with God. A moment when you stop and ask God, "Who am I? That you have blessed me and my family so much?" (2 Samuel 7:18) Last week we were asked to recollect a time when we've had one of those moments...and I couldn't think of anything...which made me sad...and upset that I haven't stopped enough to recognize what God has done for me. So, on Monday, God gave me one of those moments. It's such a small thing - groceries. Something we almost always take for granted. But as I watched my pantry, refrigerator and freezer get filled up I asked, "Who am I?" While there are families all over the world - in my community and across the globe - not able to provide food for their family's next meal, God has graciously given us the resources to have more food than we'll ever need. He is good!

Renaissance Fair - Minus the Sarcasm

2008-10-16T07:02:00.000-05:00

So, the real reason we went to the Renaissance Fair last month was to spend time with my dad and his wife. Unfortunately, I didn't get that many pictures of all of us. Here are a few, though.

Jack chugging some of Kiki's lemonade.

Jack and Abuelo watching the jousting.

Huh?

A Boy and His Dog - Part II

2008-10-15T06:53:00.004-05:00

Jack has been sick this week, so we've been spending a lot of time inside. Buster's new "bed" is the couch (unfortunately), so Jack's enjoyed snuggling with Buster when they're both in the mood to be still (which is almost never). And, I think Buster secretly enjoys it too!

I was telling Jack to be nice to Buster, so Jack assured me that he would "just hold his tail." So he did.

Overachiever!

2008-10-13T10:18:00.005-05:00

I am trying something new this time. I came up with 2 weeks worth of dinners and I am just going to pick each day from the list. That way there isn't a meal assigned to a specific day - it just seems that it wasn't working too well that way. So, here you go!

*Crockpot Brown Sugar Chicken

*Stroganoff (with tofu instead of ground meat) with Green Beans

*Nasty Nachos (with lentils instead of ground meat)

*Red Beans & Rice

*Tuna Casserole with Garlic Bread and a veggie

*Meatloaf (with real meat!) with Crash Hot Potatoes

*Tacos (with lentils) with seasoned tater tots (like Taco John's!)

*Crockpot Chicken Soup

*Oven-baked Corn Dogs with slaw (Rachael Ray recipe from 365: No Repeats)

*Banana Pancakes with Bacon & Eggs (We had this last night, but without eggs...we were out!)

*Buffalo Chicken Wings with Fried Pickles (copycat Hooter's meal!)

*Tater Tot Casserole with Green Beans

*Veggie Burgers with Potato Wedges

Since we've been cutting out a lot of meat lately, I've been forcing myself to eat beans. It's tough! I've never liked beans (probably because of an incident in my childhood when I stuck a kidney bean up my nose...that's all we'll say about that), but they are a great replacement for meat and they're so healthy. Red beans and rice will really be a stretch for me. But it doesn't get much healthier (or more frugal!) than that.

Check out I'm an Organizing Junkie for more menus.

Sometimes you have to lighten up

2008-10-09T07:12:00.007-05:00

It seems that lately God is teaching me about letting go. Sometimes I need to have some fun - even when (especially when) I'm having "one of those days." So, here's some video for your enjoyment. Lonnie & I were trying to teach Jack how to roll down a hill. We were at a state park and were having a really difficult time with Jack. We stopped what we were doing and ran around the grass and rolled down the hill. It was the best medicine.

Menu Plan Monday!!!

2008-10-05T14:23:00.006-05:00

Monday - Chicken Pot Pie (but, with this instead of chicken....shhhhhhh)

Tuesday - Butternut Squash Soup with garlic bread

Wednesday - French Toast with eggs and fruit

Thursday - Lentil Haystacks with green beans

Friday - Homemade Pizza (Canadian bacon & pineapple) and breadsticks

Saturday - Pasta Salad of some sort

Sunday - Eat out? Please?

Don't forget to check out I'm an Organizing Junkie for many many many more menus!

Homemade Pita Bread

2008-10-05T08:26:00.004-05:00

I am never buying pita bread from the store again! It is so easy to make it at home - and much more delicious, too!

Pita Bread
(adapted from The Fresh Loaf)

3 cups bread flour (I'm sure all-purpose flour would work fine, too)
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 Tablespoon sugar
1 packet yeast
1 1/4 to 1 1/2 cups warm water
2 tablespoons vegetable oil

Mix the yeast in with the flour, salt, and sugar. Add the oil and 1 1/4 cup water and mix ingredients in mixer (with dough hook). All of the ingredients should form a ball. If some of the flour will not stick to the ball, add more water. Allow mixer to knead dough for about 10 minutes. (Or you can knead by hand for same amount of time on lightly floured surface.)

When you are done kneading the dough, place it in a bowl that has been lightly coated with oil. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap or a damp kitchen towel and set aside to rise until it has doubled in size, approximately 90 minutes.

When it has doubled in size, punch the dough and divide it into 8 pieces. Roll each piece into a ball, cover the balls with a damp kitchen towel, and let them rest for 20 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. If you have a baking stone, put it in the oven to preheat as well. If you do not have a baking stone, turn a cookie sheet upside down and place it on the middle rack of the oven while you are preheating the oven. This will be the surface on which you bake your pitas.

After the dough has relaxed for 20 minutes, spread a light coating of flour on a work surface and place one of the balls of dough there. Sprinkle a little bit of flour on top of the dough and use a rolling pin or your hands to stretch and flatten the dough. You should be able to roll it out to between 1/8 and 1/4 inch thick. If the dough does not stretch sufficiently you can cover it with the damp towel and let it rest 5 to 10 minutes before trying again.

Open the oven and place as many pitas as you can fit on the hot baking surface. They should be baked through and puffy after 3 minutes. If you want your pitas to be crispy and brown you can bake them for an additional 3 to 5 minutes, but it isn't necessary.

Eat them!!!

**As you can see from the pictures, not all of my pitas puffed up like they were "supposed to." But, they still turned out awesome. They were just more like flat-bread than the pita bread that we're used to buying at the store.

Why everyone should have a kid...

2008-10-04T09:52:00.002-05:00

Because we all need a good laugh once in awhile.

A Boy and His Dog

2008-10-01T13:20:00.003-05:00

We've had Buster for over a year now. Jack has grown to love him and loves playing with him. He has even started bossing the dog around. We figure that since he doesn't have a sibling, he needs someone to boss around - so the dog gets to be the brunt of the bossing. Here are some pictures of my boy and his dog playing in the yard this morning.

Chasing Buster.

The Stand-off.

"Buster's maybe kinda tired."

The good dog.

Here's my other "boy" and his dog.

Menu Plan Monday!!!

2008-09-29T13:47:00.008-05:00

Hey! It seems like the only thing I post anymore is MPM! I'll have to work on that this week. :) I am officially done watching the 2 little girls I had for about a month. They're mom decided to stay at home again and it was just a really big challenge for me. So, we're back to just Jack & me during the day! Hopefully that will free up more time for me to do other things during the day - like blog. You know - the important things.

Monday - White Cheese Pizza (see recipe below)

Tuesday - Potato Soup (still have to find a recipe...but, we got some potatoes at the farmer's market this weekend and I want to use them up!)

Wednesday - Falafels with Hummus and Tzaziki Dip (everything homemade!)

Thursday - Spaghetti with garlic french bread

Friday - Grilled sandwiches with soup

Saturday - Taco Salad

Sunday - I don't know!

White Cheese Pizza

1 cup of skim ricotta cheese
1/2 cup of Parmesan Cheese
2 Tablespoons fresh basil, plus additional for garnish
2 Tablespoons minced garlic
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1/2 teaspoon of pepper
Pillsbury Refrigerated pizza dough (I am using homemade, though)
1 cup or more of sharp cheddar cheese
1 cup or more of mozzarella cheese
1 cup of diced tomato

Preheat oven to 450*. In a bowl, combine ricotta, Parmesan cheese, basil, garlic, salt and pepper. Place crust on cookie sheet and top evenly with cheese mixture. Sprinkle with remaining cheese; bake until golden (about 10-12) minutes. Sprinkle with tomatoes and chopped basil.

As always, check out I'm an Organizing Junkie for hundreds of more menus!!!

Fall Fashion Tips from the Renaissance Festival

2008-09-26T09:17:00.008-05:00

Last week, we took a family trip to the Minnesota Renaissance Festival to meet up with my dad and his wife. Normally we wouldn't go to a Renaissance Festival. It's just not our thing. But, we wanted to spend time with family and enjoy the warm weather before it went away. It was fascinating. I noticed a lot of new fall trends and thought I would share them with you all.

Lonnie caught this couple in the middle of their own photo shoot. It's a little hard to see, but the girlfriend (green fairy) is taking the picture of her boyfriend (half man/half some-kind-of-animal-with-horns-and-fur). Fur and horns are in. Only for men.

Wings are in. They show your angelic side. Unless, of course, your wings are black. Then they show your satanic side.

This guy was smoking something. I do like the fall colors that he's used, though.

Ignore the weird, blurry look on Jack's face and focus on the woman behind him. Apparently tails are in this fall. Seriously.
(Oh, and then I got reprimanded by the same woman not to take any pictures in the gallery. It was a wooden shack with swords in it.)

OMG! I think this guy noticed that I was taking his picture. Quick! Put the camera away before they realize that we're not one of them!!!

This one might be a little harder to see, but the girl on the left has a pet dragon. On a stick. You can't make this stuff up. She should really keep an eye on her dragon though...because not too far away, they're selling...

"Dragon Claws."
Again, you can't make this stuff up.

(This is all a joke. I am just trying to be funny. I do not intend to be mean to people. The folks dressed up are obviously looking for attention, so I am just giving them what they want.)

Monday....ALREADY???

2008-09-22T12:56:00.004-05:00

Monday - Spaghetti with homemade french bread (rising in the oven as I type!)

Tuesday - Eating out (late birthday dinner!)

Wednesday - Big burritos (black beans, no meat) with spanish rice

Thursday - Cold Sesame Noodles with Lettuce Wraps (but using TVP instead of ground turkey)

Friday - Homemade pizza! Not sure what our toppings will be yet. :)

Saturday - Buffalo Chicken Dip in the crockpot (see recipe below!!!)

Sunday - Leftovers or sandwiches or something easy!

Buffalo Chicken Dip (serve w/ tortilla chips)

1 lb chicken, cooked and shredded
1 bottle Franks hot sauce
1 pkg cream cheese
1 bottle salad dressing: ranch or bleu cheese, you pick

Put chicken and hot sauce in crock pot. Let sit about 15 minutes. Then add other ingredients. The end.

Don't forget to check out I'm an Organizing Junkie for A LOT more menus!

Nana's Visit!

2008-09-18T06:10:00.001-05:00

Nana and Mr. Cheeky playing on the floor.

I wish this picture would've turned out better! Jack is singing Smashmouth's "Allstar" song at the Children's Museum.

Learning how to use crutches. I'm sure this skill will come in handy at some point down the road.

Getting ready to roll a ball down the ramp.

Sliding.

Looking at fish with Nana.

Something funny to hold you over...

2008-09-17T09:08:00.001-05:00

Jack - "You're handsome."

Me - "You're handsome?"

Jack - "Yeah, like Shrek."

Menu Plan Monday!!!

2008-09-15T12:41:00.003-05:00

Lonnie is gone - again - this week, so Jack and I are having easy dinners.

Monday - Muffins, eggs and fruit

Tuesday - Quesadillas

Wednesday - Macaroni & Cheese

Thursday - Grilled cheese sandwiches and soup

Friday - Lonnie comes home!!! YAY!!! I am making this Pho Soup in the crockpot, so it will be all ready for dinner and I won't have to fuss with anything in the evening. I know my man will want a nice, home-cooked meal when he gets home! :)

Don't forget to check out I'm an Organizing Junkie for plenty of menus!

We're still here!

2008-09-13T08:14:00.001-05:00

It's been a busy week/weekend! I started watching 2 little girls during the day and my mom is here for a visit. We will have updates in a few days. So sorry for the silence around here! :)

I don't need no stinkin' flowers!

2008-09-05T07:00:00.003-05:00

Every mom knows that when you're sick, the work doesn't magically disappear. There's still dishes to do, diapers to change, children to entertain and meals to be made. Unless you have a husband like mine. That's when the magic happens.

This past week, while I was sick, my amazing husband went grocery shopping, did dishes, picked up toys, put Jack to bed, made meals, got up with Jack, played outside with Jack, ran errands, and took great care of me. It was the most romantic thing he could've done.

I am so blessed!

Guess what we've been up to?

2008-08-31T09:14:00.003-05:00

"Yucky virus" + Fever + Allergies = Exhaustion

**Not all of these medications are being given at the same time. Don't worry!

Awesome Breakfast

2008-08-29T11:51:00.002-05:00

I made these muffins yesterday and they are AMAZING. I especially love the fact that there isn't any added sugar to the recipe - other than the powdered sugar icing. But, you could easily leave that off. :)

Baked Apple & Cinnamon French Toast Cups
(adapted from Stephanie's Kitchen (not me))

8 slices whole wheat bread, cut into cubes

4 eggs

1/2 cup milk

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

For the apples:

2 large apples of your choice, peeled and diced

2 tablespoons butter or margarine

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1. In a medium skillet, saute apples with butter and cinnamon for about 5 minutes, or until soft. Set aside.

2. In a medium bowl, mix the eggs, milk, vanilla, and cinnamon until well combined. Add bread cubes and mix together until all the bread is saturated. Add the apples and mix until well distributed.

3. Using a regular size muffin tin, scoop bread evenly into 12 muffin cups. Bake at 350 degrees for about 20 minutes or until set and lightly golden brown. Allow muffins to cool a bit before drizzling with icing.

4. Mix 1 cup confectioners' sugar and 2 tablespoons milk until smooth. Drizzle on top of french toast cups. Enjoy!!

Works-For-Me-Wednesday

2008-08-27T13:13:00.002-05:00

Up until today, Jack has had a really tough time using the computer mouse. He finally got the logistics of it down (how to move it to where he wants it on the screen), but he kept clicking the right button and causing all kinds of problems. So....today I grabbed a permanent marker and drew a star on the LEFT button. I explained to him that he has to click on the "star button" to make the computer do what he wants. "Don't press the other button." It worked like a charm!

Visit Rocks In My Dryer for more "Works-For-Me-Wednesday" tips!

Through the Years

2008-08-26T13:51:00.005-05:00

I saw this link - http://yearbookyourself.com on another blog and just had to try it out. It's too funny!

1958 - I like my hair.

1968 - The turtleneck makes me itch just thinking about it.

1978 - Don't ask me how I got my hair to do this. It's just natural.

1988 - What I'd look like if I gained another 20 lbs. (and feathered my hair)

1998 - the year I graduated - Yep, pretty accurate!

Menu Plan Monday!!!

2008-08-25T16:01:00.001-05:00

I am trying really hard to clean out the fridge/pantry/freezer this week. Hopefully our grocery bill will reflect that and be much smaller!

Monday - Tuna Casserole

Tuesday - Pasta Salad

Wednesday - Burger for a Bunch (made with lentils instead of ground beef!)

Thursday - General Tso's Chicken with rice

Friday - Pizza

Saturday - ??

Sunday - ??

Go check out I'm an Organizing Junkie for more menus!!!

In Limbo

2008-08-25T08:07:00.003-05:00

Yesterday there was a baby dedication at church. At the last baby dedication (a couple of months ago) I had to leave the sanctuary and go sob in the bathroom. It just HURTS to see so many families with babies....when I want one so badly. And most of the families that are having babies dedicated are just that - families. More than one child. I know, I know, we're a family too. But doesn't it seem like a family is much more of a family when there's more than one kid?

Well, at yesterday's dedication, I made it through most of the thing without shedding a tear. But, then one found its way down my cheek. And another. And another. And, before I knew it - I was once again running to the bathroom to sob. I wish they would announce these things the week before so I could avoid them altogether and stop making a scene.

I hate being at this in-between stage. I am not infertile...because I have a child. I have what so many people struggling with infertility would die for. I have a child. I am caught between the world of raising a child and the world of infertility. I struggle with all of the typical child-rearing issues and then I am also dealing with the stresses of not being able to have anymore children.

I wish I could spout off a bunch of "spiritual" things that would make me seem like a much better person. Like, "I trust that all of this is designed to glorify the Lord." Or, "I trust that God knows what He's doing." Or, "His timing is always better than our own." But, I'm not there right now. Oh, I say those things to a lot of people - but I don't think I truly mean them. If I didn't say those things, then I am afraid of appearing to be a "bad Christian." And I logically know that that's not true...that we are supposed to be transparent and honest with those that love us and love the Lord. I guess I'm just not ready to open the flood gate of emotions to people that I don't really know that well.

I feel like we're also in-between two worlds because we're not seeking treatment for our infertility issues right now. We're just doing a whole lot of nothing...waiting for nature (haha) to take its course. So, I don't really feel like I fit in with the people who are going through IUIs, IVFs, injections and hormones galore. But, I don't fit in with the people who can get pregnant at the drop of a hat. I am stuck in the middle.

Sorry to be such a "Debbie Downer." I just need somewhere to get this out.

Apple Pie Muffins

2008-08-20T08:43:00.000-05:00

These are a favorite around here. They are sooooo easy to make and they're delicious!

Apple Pie Muffins

2 1/4 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 egg
1 cup buttermilk
5 Tbsp butter, melted
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup sugar
2 cups diced apples
1/2 tsp. cinnamon

3 Tbsp. butter, melted
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 tsp cinnamon

Preheat the oven to 350. Spray a muffin pan (I usually make mini muffins) with cooking spray. In a large bowl, stir together flour, baking soda and salt. In a separate smaller bowl, mix together the egg, buttermilk, melted butter, vanilla and the 1 cups of sugar. Combine wet and dry ingredients, stirring just until dry ingredients are moistened. Fold in diced apples. Spoon batter into muffin tins, filling 3/4 full. Bake at 350 for 12-14 minutes for mini muffins, or 22-25 minutes for standard muffins. While muffins are baking, melt 3 Tbsp. butter and in a separate bowl, mix together the 1/2 cup sugar and 1/2 tsp cinnamon; set aside. When muffins are done, remove from the pan, and dip the tops in the melted butter and then in the cinnamon and sugar mixture.