Choices, choices (Holiday Cards!)

I recently found out that I have the opportunity to discuss some of Shutterfly's holiday cards and get the chance to get 50 of my own free cards. Woohoo! So, the minute I got to Shutterfly's holiday card page, I kept thinking, "oh, I like that one! oh, I like this one!" I really don't know how I'm going to choose when it comes down to it. They have so many adorable designs.

For starters, I am loving this one -

I really like the collage photo holiday cards. I have such a hard time picking one photo for our Christmas cards, it's nice to have an option for more.



Oooooh, I really like this one.

We have yet to get photo cards that are "real" open and fold out cards. Which I kind of miss. So this would satisfy both things! Photos for everyone to see and an actual card where I can write things.



In addition to cards, Shutterfly has some great calendars that would make awesome gifts. I think it would be great to order one of these and give it to the grandparents for a nice, personalized gift.

If you're a blogger and interested in the 50 free card offer, check this out! http://bit.ly/sfly2010

Halloween 2010

We went out trick-or-treating this year with a group of friends and Jack had a lot of fun. This is the first year that he seems to "get" it, so he was really good about saying "trick-or-treat," saying "thank you," and leaving the candy in his pumpkin until we got home. :) He went as Superman this year and I have to say, he was the cutest Superman EVER.

The gang that went out trick-or-treating.

SO.CUTE.

In my previous post, I mentioned how Jack doesn't have a filter for his words. He just talks and talks and talks. And he has no concept of strangers (I know...we're working on it). So when he would walk up to someone's door and say "trick-or-treat!" he would then start asking them, "Do you have a dog? Do you have a cat? Can I pet your dog? Can I pet your cat?" He would begin a conversation with the person at the door and want to keep talking to them. :) So we had to keep reminding him to move along and go to the next house!

"What do I do next?"

Checking out his goodies and picking 3 to have before bed. :)

School

Jack is in preschool this year. Another year of preschool. At the beginning of the year, I had mixed emotions about this. On one hand, I knew that we were doing the best thing for him by keeping him in preschool for one more year. Technically he could be in kindergarten this year, since he turned 5 over the summer. But we knew that he just wasn't ready. So we signed him up for a preschool class that is an "inclusion" classroom. There are 12-14 "typical" children and then there are 3 special ed kids. (I can't tell you how much it hurt to write that -- my kid is one of the special ed kids. I never thought that would be me. Moving on....) So, I was relieved that he would still be in preschool and have another year to gain some of the skills that he'll need for kindergarten. But, all of the other 5 year olds were going to kindergarten. Whenever we would tell someone how old Jack was, they would ask "are you ready for kindergarten this year?" And we would have to explain how we were doing another year of preschool. It was bittersweet.

The previous two years, Jack was in a special education preschool. He was in an environment that was completely catered to his needs. Every other kid in the classroom had special needs also. Last year, his class was all boys on the autism spectrum. The special attention was great. But this year, we had to move a little out of our comfort zone. Now we're dealing with a classroom that doesn't revolve around Jack and his needs. Like everything else, there are pros and cons with this. We are glad that he has the opportunity to be around typical kids and, in a sense, mimic their behavior. He can see how his peers react to certain situations and how his peers behave. I have yet to see very many positive effects of this - but I am hoping that they will show up eventually. Being in this classroom also means that there is less individualized attention for Jack. There are more kids that need the teachers' attention. The special education teacher isn't in the classroom for the entire class. But, we realize that this is a good "stepping stone" to mainstream kindergarten. Where there will (most likely) be even less individual attention. Less special treatment. We are relieved, though, that it looks like Jack will be attending a mainstream public elementary school. In the long run, I think that is a very positive thing.

Jack L-O-V-E-S school. Adores it. Thinks it is the best thing in the world. And this makes me very happy. I hope that he continues to feel this way (I know, I know...keep dreaming). He is growing in his social skills. He talks about his friends at school. He recalls things that he did during the day and can talk about them. He is in an afternoon class this year (was in morning classes the previous 2 years) and he just can't wait until lunch time, because he knows that the bus comes shortly after lunch. I don't know how we're going to survive winter break. :)

Life With Jack

So...I last blogged when it was Jack's birthday. That was 3 months ago. Sometimes life just gets too crazy and blogging takes a backseat to the rest of the activities. So right now I am sitting at Starbucks, my pumpkin spice latte next to me, and I am setting aside time to write. I think I need to make this a more regular occasion! Although, Starbucks is kind of busy right now and the only table available (with an outlet) was right next to the window. The window that the sun is shining through. The sun that is shining right in my face. I closed their little flimsy "blind," but it's not doing much good. So I am typing while squinting. And unfortunately, there isn't anything that the sun will be going behind any time soon. So I sit. And I squint. At least it's warm. OK, I just tried to switch sides of the table and that didn't work either. Now the sun is just on the other side of my face. And now my drink is on my left side. Sigh.

Let me talk about my kid for a little bit. Jack is 5 years and 3 months and 1 day old. He is awesome. And he is challenging. There are so many adjectives I could use to describe my son, it would take up a whole post. In complete honesty, we have more bad days right now than we do good days. What triggers Jack into meltdown is a mystery. But, we have a lot of meltdowns. We have a lot of behavior "issues." We have a lot of questions. We have a lot of concerns.

But, we also know that this is one of the most difficult times in our life with Jack. He is at the age where he doesn't know why his brain works differently. He doesn't understand why everyone else thinks differently than he does. He doesn't know why the world doesn't make sense to him. I am sure that he's confused, but he can't communicate why. His confusion comes out as anger or as misbehaving. Not that I'm excusing away his actions - but I truly believe that there is a greater underlying cause for his behavior problems. I don't think that he's acting out just because he can. The behavior issues make trips into the community fun and exciting. The tantrums, the yelling, the screaming, the constant running into things or people - the looks from people get old. I am getting used to the dirty looks...or I am just doing a better job at ignoring them.

We do what we can. We try our best. But at the end of the day, our best doesn't look like much. I think that most parents - even parents of "typical" children - struggle with guilt over their parenting. When you have a child with special needs, you can multiple that guilt times 10. We are constantly worrying if we're doing enough. If the therapy we're doing is enough. If the school is good enough. If the discipline is enough. If the picture schedule is enough. If the play dates are enough. And on, and on, and on. I find comfort in the fact that I KNOW that we're doing the best we know to do...right now. Even if we're messing the whole thing up, we're doing what we think is best. We are loving, intelligent parents and we have our son's best interests at heart. All we can do beyond that is pray that he turns out OK from there.

One thing I am so thankful for is that Jack has started loving to hug us. He wants to hug all of the time. And while I must admit that there are times when I get somewhat annoyed with the constant touching - overall I am so thankful that he wants to hug us. There are so many kids on the autism spectrum that have a hard time with touch. So many kids that don't want to be hugged. Jack was sensitive to hugging up until a few months ago. Now he wants to sit in my lap and let me hold him for awhile.

Jack talks. A lot. Constantly. All of the time. Continuously. Talks. Which, again, I am thankful for in the grand scheme of things. I would much rather have a child that talks too much than a child that doesn't talk at all. (I think.) A lot of his talking revolves around anxiety. He talks when he's anxious. He'll talk about anything that's on his mind. Never a flowing string of thoughts - it's always a broken mix-up of thoughts that are floating around in his head. Lines from a movie in one minute, and talking about the car wash the next minute. Actually, I should say that his thoughts don't make sense to US. I am sure that they make perfect sense to him. He sees connections in topics that we just don't see. He associates one thing with another thing...and then that thing to another thing...and it all comes out of his mouth. The boy doesn't have a filter. Sometimes it's hilarious and sometimes it's exhausting.

So...there's a quick snapshot of our lives right now. There is so much more going on, but I find it hard to organize it all right now. Hopefully there will be more blog posts coming soon.

Jack's 5th Birthday

Last Sunday we had a birthday party for Jack. We invited 2 families over - two of the boys were in Jack's preschool class last year - and we had a great time. We had a bbq and the kids played outside and Jack opened presents and we had cake. Last years' birthday party was kind of a disaster...mostly because of the number of people we had over. Jack was completely overwhelmed and melted down. So we knew that this year we had to keep it a little simpler.

A view of the inside of Jack's birthday cake. So fun!

Jack's actual birthday was today, the 28th. He woke up at 5:30 am and bounded into our room saying "it's my birthday!" We quickly came to the conclusion that Jack was a little confused about his birthday. And we are still confused as to what his expectations were. He was upset right away that we weren't "doing" his birthday and he couldn't "eat his birthday." My best guess is that he was talking about having cake, presents, and party all over again - even though we had explained multiple times that he was having a party on Sunday and then we were just hanging out on Wednesday - when he would turn 5. We still did special things - we went to the store and let him pick out toys using his birthday money, we went and got ice cream, and we had cupcakes after dinner. But today was one of the more stressful days with Jack. He was so upset about his "birthday" all day - and we just kept missing the communication piece.

The morning of his birthday - before 6 am. :)

He had therapy this morning and had a pretty difficult time doing very simple tasks. We also found out that Jack's occupational therapist is leaving. This is heart-breaking for me. We absolutely love his therapist and she was one of the reasons we were looking forward to staying in Minnesota. He doesn't know yet that she's leaving. I think he'll have a very hard time dealing with this transition.

He had friends come over for a play date...so that was a good break in the day. Then when Lonnie was done with work, we went to Target to let Jack pick out toys with his birthday money. He had a good time picking out toys, but also had difficulty deciding which toys to get (who wouldn't?!?). We then went to the ice cream place...where Jack wouldn't eat any of his ice cream. He likes this particular ice cream place because it's near the rail road tracks and we can see a train every once in awhile. But now he has become so focused on the RR tracks that he refuses to eat his ice cream. All he can do is stare at the tracks (or at the cars going by on the street).

We knew that the rest of the evening had to be spent at home - he was done for the day! So we just spent time at home and let him play with his new toys. Had mac & cheese for dinner and watched Bee Movie. Jack and I were planning on going to the running track with Lonnie, where he was going to start training 5 people for their first 5k. But, Jack was so tired and worn out from the day that we decided to stay home so he could go to bed early.

Today was one of the days when I was reminded that my child is different. He is DIFFERENT. We can't do things with him that other parents do with their kids. Our lives are structured around his temperament, sensitivities and abilities. I am constantly under pressure to have the next 24 hours planned out in advance.

What a bittersweet day. It seems that most holidays are starting to bear this "bittersweet" feeling. We are blessed with an amazing son that we love very much. But we are most reminded on these holidays that things are different for us.

Either way - my baby is FIVE! He has accomplished so much in the past 5 years. We are so proud of who he is and who he is becoming. The past 5 years have gone by so quickly...I can't imagine what the next 5 years hold.

EXACTLY 5 years old - showing me his muscles. :)


This was the face we saw most of the day. :)

Awesome things my child has said today...

J - "There was a bug."
Me - "Was it bothering you?"
J - "No, it was just saying hi to me."

"When I grow up, I want to be a doctor. To help people."

"Today is Tuesday. When I wake up, it will be [thinking] Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, WEDNESDAY."

As he's stretching - "I have a big belly. A big belly full of food."

Fresh Start

I would really like to start using the blog as a record of our days here at the our house. Jack says and does a lot of funny things and I find myself wishing that I could keep better record of them. I wish I would've done a better job recording things when he was a baby and toddler - but I hope that late is better than never. :) So...my blog posts will be more boring. More about Jack. More about our mundane life. But I am doing this more for myself than anything.

Lonnie is out of town this week - again. So, Jack and I are on our own - again. With Lonnie working from home, I think that it's somewhat of a blessing in disguise that he travels every now and then. We all just might go crazy if we had to be around each other all day/night without the travel breaks. But, we really miss him when he's gone!

The hardest part of being home with Jack all day by myself is trying to find things to occupy our time. We go to the park or play outside at home when the weather permits, we go to the library, and we go to the water park about once a week. And we try to get together with friends when we can. But, that's about it! I have to admit, I'm more than a little bit ready for school to start. Not ready for the summer weather to go away, but ready for fall to get here! :)

(Jack and friend flipping backwards off the couch)

Jack had a friend come over today. They were in preschool together last year and they have become pretty good friends. It was great to watch them play together and laugh together. Jack was pretty wound up while his friend was here, so we had to have some down-time after the friend left. I think it was then that Jack realized exactly how tired he was. We took Lonnie to a hotel last night so he could get to the airport super early this morning. We didn't get home until late, so Jack didn't get to bed until around 9 pm. And, he was up before 6 am today. I think the sleepiness really hit him hard this afternoon. So after running a quick errand and eating an early dinner, it was bedtime! He was asleep by 6 pm. We'll see how that plays out overnight.

So...here goes another shot at blogging regularly. I am looking forward to keeping up with it!