I have been making granola for several years, but I have finally found a combination that I really like. And it's SUPER healthy. I love it mixed in with yogurt or with milk. The fun thing about granola is that you can mix and match the ingredients to whatever you would like. You can add more sweeteners to make it sweeter. You can mix up the type of fruit you put it. Try different kinds of nuts. As long as your dry/sweet ratio stays pretty much the same, you're good!
8 cups rolled oats (not quick oats)
1 1/2 cups wheat germ
1 1/2 cups pecans
1 cup sunflower seeds
1 cup coconut flakes (unsweetened)
1 1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 cup maple syrup (pure, not pancake syrup)
3/4 cup honey (I used raw, unfiltered honey for this and it was wonderful)
1 cup coconut oil
1 T. ground cinnamon
1 T. vanilla extract
Preheat oven to 325*F. Line 2 large baking sheets (with sides) with parchment paper, or use nonstick spray.
Mix together the oats, wheat germ, pecans, sunflower seeds, and coconut in a large bowl.
Put salt, maple syrup, honey, coconut oil, cinnamon, and vanilla in saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Pour the liquid over the dry ingredients and mix well, making sure everything is coated.
Spread evenly in the 2 sheets and put in the oven. Bake 20 - 30 minutes. Stir halfway through and rotate the sheets if they're on different racks. (I baked this last batch for 20 minutes and it's still a little soft, not quite crunchy. Next time I'll bake a little longer.)
Let the granola completely cool and store in airtight containers. Enjoy!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
One Day at a Time
I don’t want this blog to become a place where I constantly complain about our difficulties, especially when it comes to raising Jack. But, on the other side of it, I want to be honest in my writing and let people know what kind of challenges families of autism face. There are real challenges. Our days are more exhausting than I ever thought they could be.
I wanted to share a typical [weekend] day in our life. Yesterday was Sunday and is the perfect opportunity to show what our life is like.
2:30 am – Jack wakes up, I put him back to bed. Lately he’s been getting much better at going back to his bed when he wakes up in the middle of the night. He still throws a fit and tries to fight me on it, but he eventually makes his way back to his room and (usually) goes back to sleep.
5:00 am – Jack comes back into our room and is awake for the day. This is “sleeping in” in our book. We’re happy with this. Plus, we have to get moving early to go to St. Paul because Lonnie is running a 5K in the morning. After the 5K, there will be a parade and food vendors, and other activities going on. Immediately upon waking, Jack asks us what the day holds. He starts with breakfast –
“and after breakfast?”
“We will get ready.”
“and after we get ready?”
“We will hang out for a little bit and then we will drive to St. Paul.”
“and after we drive to St. Paul?”
“We will go to daddy’s race and watch him run.”
“and after daddy’s race?”
“We will watch the parade.”
“and after the parade?”
“You and daddy will drop me off at Trader Joe’s and then you guys will go to a park.”
“and after the park?”
“Then we will get lunch.”
“and after we get lunch?”
“Then we will go home.”
“and after we go home?”
…..and on and on and on. I would guess that this script is repeated at least 20 times a day. All day long. We usually are planned ahead by at least 24 hours. Jack has to know exactly what is coming up and when. And yes, we’ve done picture schedules. The problem with a physical picture schedule is that Jack becomes absolutely obsessed with it. And then he can’t think about anything else. And then if, God forbid, we have to CHANGE the schedule, it makes that transition that much more difficult – because it wasn’t on the schedule.
7:05 am – We have to get gas before we go to St. Paul. This wasn’t on the schedule. Jack is OK with it, but insists that we don’t go through the car wash. He is very freaked out about the car wash and gets nervous any time we’re within sight of one. We reassure him multiple times that we aren’t going through the car wash. He eventually believes us.
7:45 am – The car ride has gone incredibly smoothly so far. Jack brought a fire truck to play with, and it has occupied his time more than we thought it would. But 45 minutes or so into the car ride, Jack gets antsy. He starts yelling/screaming/making random noises. Not necessarily a fit…and he’s not really angry or upset. He’s just making noise. A lot of it.
8:20 am – We make it to St. Paul. The car ride went so well, we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. It didn’t take long. As soon as we get out of the car, Jack is whining that he has to go potty. He went right before we left the house, so we know that he doesn’t have to go that bad. One of Jack’s “quirks” is that he insists on going potty EVERYWHERE. It doesn’t matter if he just went 5 minutes ago. He has to go potty to each place we visit. So, we tell him that we’re going to wait to go potty until daddy starts the race. There’s port-a-potties everywhere…but I would like to avoid one of those if we can. I am hoping to go to a coffee shop or something. He starts to get upset about it. Uh oh.
8:45 am – Lonnie gets all registered for the race and is ready to go. Jack starts screaming that he has to go pee. Louder and louder. So I say “fine” and set off to find a bathroom. A real one. We run into a row of port-a-potties and he insists that he wants to go there. That he HAS to go NOW. I know that the coffee shop is still a few blocks ahead, so I give in and agree to the port-a-potty. Only problem is, there’s a line. All of them are locked. So we stand and wait. Jack starts throwing a fit. I tell him that we have to wait for a potty. I tell him that we can go find another potty where he won’t have to wait. He starts screaming at the top of his lungs. I grab his hand to walk to another row of port-a-potties. He pulls away from me, screaming, and then collapses on the ground. In the middle of the street. I pick him up and move him to the sidewalk…all the while he’s screaming. He’s screaming so loudly, that Lonnie could hear him – a block away. Great.
9:00 am – We finally find an open port-a-potty. Jack touches everything and finally pees. Praise the Lord for hand sanitizer.
9:15 am – After watching the little kid’s race (so cute!) it is time for Lonnie to run the 5K. Jack is tired of waiting (a whole 15 minutes! How could I?!?!) and starting to get upset. The race starts and we see Lonnie pass us. We clap and yell. Jack immediately starts crying and screaming. I don’t know why. He finally tells me that he wants daddy to be done racing. I tell him that we have to wait for him to be done and ask him if he wants to find some food while we’re waiting. He screams and cries some more, but eventually agrees to go find some food. I grab the wagon and we go walking down the street in search of some food. I hope there’s something there that he’ll eat.
9:30 am – We finally find something that Jack is willing to eat – donuts. The little donuts, like at the fair. He is happy about that. So we buy a bag of donuts, but Jack starts yelling, once again. He can’t see how the donuts are made. There is a donut stand at the fair where you can see them frying the donuts and watch them flip over. Jack thinks that every donut stand MUST do this. So he is very upset that this particular donut stand doesn’t have a place where you can watch the donuts be made. So he yells. And yells. My patience is quickly going away. I get him to calm down about watching the donuts be made and then he starts complaining that the donuts are too hot. Of course they are.
9:45 am – We get to the finish line to watch Lonnie finish the race. We see him run by – we cheer and clap. Yay! And then the crying and screaming begins again. Why? Because he can’t run with daddy. He yells/screams/cries until Lonnie finally makes it to where we are on the sidewalk.
10:15 am – After walking up and down the sidewalk for a little while, finding a good place to watch the parade, we find a decent shaded spot. The parade was supposed to start at 10 am. We wait. And wait. And wait. Apparently we’re quite a ways down from where the parade started. It’s almost 11 by the time we see the parade. Jack spends a good portion of the time with his hands over his ears. We manage to leave shortly before the parade ends…we don’t want to try to leave there when everyone else is leaving. Jack throws random fits every now and then while sitting in the wagon. We can’t really hear him – that’s probably a good thing at this point.
11:45 am – The boys drop me off at Trader Joe’s so I can get some groceries. Why I am shopping alone? Because Jack can’t handle Trader Joe’s. We’ve tried several times to go there with him, but each trip turns into huge meltdowns. Not sure what it is about that store, but it just doesn’t work for all of us to go. So Lonnie takes Jack to a nearby park to play while I shop. Jack refuses to eat something for lunch, because the park came FIRST on the schedule and THEN lunch. Everything has its place.
1:00 pm – I’m done shopping, the boys come pick me up. Jack gets upset because I don’t have a “surprise” for him. Nothing new there.
1:20 pm – We find a Sonic Drive-In and get some lunch. Jack eats most of his lunch and then falls asleep for the rest of the drive home. I fall asleep too. Exhausted.
2:30 pm – We finally make it home. I unload the groceries and we all just hang out for a little while. I make sure to spend some one-on-one time on the floor with Jack and we play with a game. We try to keep it as low-key and calm as possible. I inform Jack that later, daddy and I are going out on a date and someone (that he already knows) is going to come watch him while we go out. He seems totally OK (and even excited) about this.
4:30 pm – The babysitter shows up. She is sweet and wonderful and Jack already likes her. Lonnie and I start to head out the door and Jack loses it. Starts crying and hanging onto my leg. I manage to pry him loose and walk out the door. Jack stops crying shortly after we leave. Lonnie and I watch a movie and eat dinner in silence. We let out a sigh of relief. The relief is short-lived, however, because we know that bedtime isn’t too far away.
7:30 pm – We get home and let Jack know that bedtime will be starting in 10 minutes (we use the big hand on the clock to let him know when it’s time to go potty, get jammies on, etc.). It’s the same routine every night. We’ve been doing this for years. And yet, I could count on one hand the times when bedtime has been tantrum-less. It’s almost always a fight. So, we go through the regular arguing about going potty and getting jammies on and brushing teeth and staying in bed.
8:00 pm – He’s in bed. He stays in bed. Lonnie and I collapse on the couch.
8:30 pm – Both Lonnie and I fall asleep on the couch.
9:00 pm – We go to bed.
2:45 am – Jack wakes up, and it starts all over again!
While some might say that this was an exceptional day because we made a trip out of town and had a babysitter come over all in the same day – I would have to disagree. Even on days when we only have one errand to run, Jack’s behaviors and actions are pretty much the same. I know that part of his behavior on Sunday was related to the large amount of people and noise that we were surrounded by, but I believe that there are times when Jack needs to learn how to deal with those types of situations. We can’t keep him in a bubble and protect him from the sensory-overloading world. So, for now, we do the best we can and try to keep our sanity intact while doing it. At this moment, I don’t know if we’re succeeding at that!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
The Dog
When we first moved to Minnesota, we decided to bring a dog into our family. We went to the local humane society and picked out a sweet boy. We named him Buster and he made his way into our hearts. For the first couple of weeks after we adopted Buster, Jack was terrified of him. He would climb on the couch, chair, table - anything that would keep him off of the floor. He rarely wanted to be in the same room as Buster. But, then he slowly came around and started loving Buster. He would give him hugs and play with him and talk to him.
The next part of this story is really difficult for me to write. In doing this, I am admitting that my child has "issues." That there is something wrong. And sometimes that's hard to put into words.
As autism began to rear its ugly head and Jack's behaviors became worse, some of his aggression was taken out on Buster. I won't go into too much detail here (for fear of being judged), but let's just say that Jack's actions toward Buster went far beyond how any "typical" 4 year old would treat a dog. It was more than just "rough-housing." We talked to teachers. We talked to therapists. We talked to friends. We tried every piece of advice given to us. Nothing worked. It just got worse.
Several months ago, we put out a plea to our friends on Facebook. We asked if anyone might be able to provide a good home for our animals (we were having the same problems with the cat, too). One of our friends offered to take Buster into their home.
So, last Friday, we loaded Buster up in the car one last time and drove out to the country, where his new family lives. He had previously spent some time with this family, so he was familiar with them. We had talked to Jack all day about where Buster was going and that we weren't going to pick him up and that he was going to live at a different home now. We never told him that we were doing this because of his actions - I wasn't about to make him feel guilty for the dog going away. This was already hard enough on all of us. We weren't quite sure if Jack was understanding what would happen, but tried to do our best to explain it to him. Jack had picked out a toy for Buster to keep with him - a stuffed kitty. I told Jack that Buster would play with the stuffed kitty whenever he missed us, and that he would remember us.
As we drove away from our friends' home, Jack was quiet. I asked him if he missed Buster. Then the tears came. He cried. And cried. He said he was sad about Buster and wanted him to come to OUR house. I cried. (I'm crying now.) I am sure that part of his crying was exhaustion (it was a loooong day and late night for him), but I know that he really felt that emotion of missing Buster.
The next day, I went to Target and found Jack a big stuffed dog. I brought him home and told Jack that he could give the puppy a hug whenever he missed Buster. Jack named him Horton (we were in the middle of watching "Horton Hears a Who" when Jack named the dog) and he sleeps with him.
Life is actually quieter in our house now. There is a lot less stress about Jack's mis-treatment of the dog and the constant discipline surrounding that. We don't have a dog cowering in the corners when Jack gets wired. Jack is doing well. He talks about Buster sometimes, but not too often. He doesn't seem sad about it anymore. It is one less thing for us to worry about right now. We know we made the right decision - but that definitely didn't make it any easier.
The next part of this story is really difficult for me to write. In doing this, I am admitting that my child has "issues." That there is something wrong. And sometimes that's hard to put into words.
As autism began to rear its ugly head and Jack's behaviors became worse, some of his aggression was taken out on Buster. I won't go into too much detail here (for fear of being judged), but let's just say that Jack's actions toward Buster went far beyond how any "typical" 4 year old would treat a dog. It was more than just "rough-housing." We talked to teachers. We talked to therapists. We talked to friends. We tried every piece of advice given to us. Nothing worked. It just got worse.
Several months ago, we put out a plea to our friends on Facebook. We asked if anyone might be able to provide a good home for our animals (we were having the same problems with the cat, too). One of our friends offered to take Buster into their home.
So, last Friday, we loaded Buster up in the car one last time and drove out to the country, where his new family lives. He had previously spent some time with this family, so he was familiar with them. We had talked to Jack all day about where Buster was going and that we weren't going to pick him up and that he was going to live at a different home now. We never told him that we were doing this because of his actions - I wasn't about to make him feel guilty for the dog going away. This was already hard enough on all of us. We weren't quite sure if Jack was understanding what would happen, but tried to do our best to explain it to him. Jack had picked out a toy for Buster to keep with him - a stuffed kitty. I told Jack that Buster would play with the stuffed kitty whenever he missed us, and that he would remember us.
As we drove away from our friends' home, Jack was quiet. I asked him if he missed Buster. Then the tears came. He cried. And cried. He said he was sad about Buster and wanted him to come to OUR house. I cried. (I'm crying now.) I am sure that part of his crying was exhaustion (it was a loooong day and late night for him), but I know that he really felt that emotion of missing Buster.
The next day, I went to Target and found Jack a big stuffed dog. I brought him home and told Jack that he could give the puppy a hug whenever he missed Buster. Jack named him Horton (we were in the middle of watching "Horton Hears a Who" when Jack named the dog) and he sleeps with him.
Life is actually quieter in our house now. There is a lot less stress about Jack's mis-treatment of the dog and the constant discipline surrounding that. We don't have a dog cowering in the corners when Jack gets wired. Jack is doing well. He talks about Buster sometimes, but not too often. He doesn't seem sad about it anymore. It is one less thing for us to worry about right now. We know we made the right decision - but that definitely didn't make it any easier.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
The Biggest LOSER
So, I'm sitting here watching The Biggest Loser. I am annoyed with it. Let me count the ways...
1) None of the final 4 contestants are married or have children. Therefore, they can spend 8 hours/day at the gym and not have to worry about missing out on things at home.
2) So, so, so unrealistic. Daris (one of the contestants) ate cereal at 4 am. They made it sound like he had just committed the ultimate sin. How dare he eat?!?! It is completely unrealistic to expect people to train for a marathon and not eat (enough to fuel their bodies). It is completely unrealistic to expect people to spend all day in a gym. It is completely unrealistic to expect people to eat extremely restricted diets 24/7. The contestants are living in a lab when they're on "The Ranch." Their exercise, diets, and activities are all controlled. When they leave, it's not controlled. It's not too hard to imagine what will happen when they're set free.
3) Who says that it's impossible to be happy and overweight? They make the assumption that if you're overweight, you're automatically depressed about it. While I agree that there are health risks associated with obesity, and I agree that you should do something to help alleviate those health risks, I disagree that you must be miserable if you're overweight. If someone is healthy, happy and they happen to be overweight...they should be left alone.
4) While the contestants were running a marathon, previous season winners met them at various points to run the race with them. All but one of the previous winners had put back on a considerable amount of weight. The show doesn't talk about this. Sure, they have "made an example" out of prior contestant Eric (who gained back most of his weight - and he is going to take it all off again - and then....), but I think that a good portion of ex-Biggest Losers have put back on a lot of their weight. Why? Back to #2. It is completely unrealistic to expect people to eat/workout/live the lifestyle that they live on "The Ranch." The Biggest Loser is setting people up for failure.
5) What kind of life do you have when you neglect your friends and family? When you have to leave parties early because no one understands your "stress?" When you can't go out to dinner with your family because the restaurant doesn't serve "your" foods? When you miss your kids' activities because you have to go to the gym? What kind of life is that?
6) Since when is losing 13 lbs. in a month a failure? I hate how they make it sound like such a horrible thing when a contestant loses anything less than an insane amount of weight. They are praised for losing unhealthy amounts of weight, and looked down upon for losing the "recommended" amount of weight (1 - 2 lbs./week). So when these contestants start getting closer to their "ideal" weight, and their weight loss slows down, I can only assume that they will be extremely disappointed with their average weight loss.
Done with my rant.
1) None of the final 4 contestants are married or have children. Therefore, they can spend 8 hours/day at the gym and not have to worry about missing out on things at home.
2) So, so, so unrealistic. Daris (one of the contestants) ate cereal at 4 am. They made it sound like he had just committed the ultimate sin. How dare he eat?!?! It is completely unrealistic to expect people to train for a marathon and not eat (enough to fuel their bodies). It is completely unrealistic to expect people to spend all day in a gym. It is completely unrealistic to expect people to eat extremely restricted diets 24/7. The contestants are living in a lab when they're on "The Ranch." Their exercise, diets, and activities are all controlled. When they leave, it's not controlled. It's not too hard to imagine what will happen when they're set free.
3) Who says that it's impossible to be happy and overweight? They make the assumption that if you're overweight, you're automatically depressed about it. While I agree that there are health risks associated with obesity, and I agree that you should do something to help alleviate those health risks, I disagree that you must be miserable if you're overweight. If someone is healthy, happy and they happen to be overweight...they should be left alone.
4) While the contestants were running a marathon, previous season winners met them at various points to run the race with them. All but one of the previous winners had put back on a considerable amount of weight. The show doesn't talk about this. Sure, they have "made an example" out of prior contestant Eric (who gained back most of his weight - and he is going to take it all off again - and then....), but I think that a good portion of ex-Biggest Losers have put back on a lot of their weight. Why? Back to #2. It is completely unrealistic to expect people to eat/workout/live the lifestyle that they live on "The Ranch." The Biggest Loser is setting people up for failure.
5) What kind of life do you have when you neglect your friends and family? When you have to leave parties early because no one understands your "stress?" When you can't go out to dinner with your family because the restaurant doesn't serve "your" foods? When you miss your kids' activities because you have to go to the gym? What kind of life is that?
6) Since when is losing 13 lbs. in a month a failure? I hate how they make it sound like such a horrible thing when a contestant loses anything less than an insane amount of weight. They are praised for losing unhealthy amounts of weight, and looked down upon for losing the "recommended" amount of weight (1 - 2 lbs./week). So when these contestants start getting closer to their "ideal" weight, and their weight loss slows down, I can only assume that they will be extremely disappointed with their average weight loss.
Done with my rant.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Bittersweet
Today is Mother's Day. I am so blessed to be a mother. So blessed to feel Jack's arms wrapped around my neck and smell his hair. Blessed to get wet kisses and hear him say "Happy Muhver's Day." I have much to be thankful for.
When we picked Jack up from Sunday School today, there was a table full of flowers that the children had made for their moms. I asked Jack if he made a flower, and he said "no, I didn't want to." It's a small paper flower - but I was sad that I didn't get one. While other moms were praising their childrens' artwork, I was ushering Jack out of the hallway before he had a meltdown. When I asked him if he had fun at Sunday School, he said "yes, they had a school bus." I asked him if he played with other kids in the classroom and he said "no, I played by myself." Tears filled my eyes at the thought of the other children playing together, and Jack sitting by himself, playing with a school bus. I asked him what they learned, and he couldn't tell me. Another bittersweet moment.
Motherhood is not at all what I thought it would be. My journey into motherhood has been filled with many more lows than I thought it would be. You have an expectation. An idea of what things will be like. Whether it's right or not, you expect motherhood to be filled with joy and laughter. And while we have had our share of laughter, our monotonous days are filled with tantrums, screaming, meltdowns, stimming, and repetitive behavior. Motherhood has become an experience that has stretched me thinner than I thought possible. I never thought that I would be the one raising a special-needs child. Never thought that I would be the one taking my child to therapy, special education classes, and more doctor's appointments than I can keep track of. But, here we are. This is our reality. We do what we do. We make it through each day and collapse into bed each night (for a couple of hours, at least!). We are continually learning how to best nurture and support Jack.
I have many moments of despair. Moments when I cry and yell and wonder what the purpose of all of this is. Moments when I want to give up and run away. Moments where I think that it's all just too hard and I can't go on one more minute.
But then I have moments of love. Moments when Jack smiles at me and I see that adorable dimple on his right cheek. Moments when he says or does something so absolutely hilarious that he has me laughing until I cry. Moments when he has a breakthrough and tries to do something that he wouldn't do before.
Mother's Day is bittersweet for me. Not only because of the challenges of raising a special needs child, but also because of the unfulfilled desire for another child. We watched the baby dedication at church this morning, and tears fell down my cheeks. Watching the precious newborn babies squirming in their parents' arms and hearing their baby sounds fill the room. As difficult as motherhood has been for me, I still have the desire to have another baby. There is still the yearning in my heart to have a sweet new baby to be a part of our family. God knows. He knows my desires and He knows the plans for our family. I am trusting and surrendering.
So....Mother's Day. A day filled with hugs and kisses, tears and worries. I am so blessed. I married a man that loves God and loves me. A man that loves our son and is dedicated to our family. I have a son that has such unique ways of showing me that he loves me. Even if he doesn't make me a paper flower, I know that he loves me beyond words. He makes me laugh and teaches me new things every day. I am so blessed.
When we picked Jack up from Sunday School today, there was a table full of flowers that the children had made for their moms. I asked Jack if he made a flower, and he said "no, I didn't want to." It's a small paper flower - but I was sad that I didn't get one. While other moms were praising their childrens' artwork, I was ushering Jack out of the hallway before he had a meltdown. When I asked him if he had fun at Sunday School, he said "yes, they had a school bus." I asked him if he played with other kids in the classroom and he said "no, I played by myself." Tears filled my eyes at the thought of the other children playing together, and Jack sitting by himself, playing with a school bus. I asked him what they learned, and he couldn't tell me. Another bittersweet moment.
Motherhood is not at all what I thought it would be. My journey into motherhood has been filled with many more lows than I thought it would be. You have an expectation. An idea of what things will be like. Whether it's right or not, you expect motherhood to be filled with joy and laughter. And while we have had our share of laughter, our monotonous days are filled with tantrums, screaming, meltdowns, stimming, and repetitive behavior. Motherhood has become an experience that has stretched me thinner than I thought possible. I never thought that I would be the one raising a special-needs child. Never thought that I would be the one taking my child to therapy, special education classes, and more doctor's appointments than I can keep track of. But, here we are. This is our reality. We do what we do. We make it through each day and collapse into bed each night (for a couple of hours, at least!). We are continually learning how to best nurture and support Jack.
I have many moments of despair. Moments when I cry and yell and wonder what the purpose of all of this is. Moments when I want to give up and run away. Moments where I think that it's all just too hard and I can't go on one more minute.
But then I have moments of love. Moments when Jack smiles at me and I see that adorable dimple on his right cheek. Moments when he says or does something so absolutely hilarious that he has me laughing until I cry. Moments when he has a breakthrough and tries to do something that he wouldn't do before.
Mother's Day is bittersweet for me. Not only because of the challenges of raising a special needs child, but also because of the unfulfilled desire for another child. We watched the baby dedication at church this morning, and tears fell down my cheeks. Watching the precious newborn babies squirming in their parents' arms and hearing their baby sounds fill the room. As difficult as motherhood has been for me, I still have the desire to have another baby. There is still the yearning in my heart to have a sweet new baby to be a part of our family. God knows. He knows my desires and He knows the plans for our family. I am trusting and surrendering.
So....Mother's Day. A day filled with hugs and kisses, tears and worries. I am so blessed. I married a man that loves God and loves me. A man that loves our son and is dedicated to our family. I have a son that has such unique ways of showing me that he loves me. Even if he doesn't make me a paper flower, I know that he loves me beyond words. He makes me laugh and teaches me new things every day. I am so blessed.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Motherhood in pictures
Kristen at We Are THAT Family is having a giveaway and asking moms to show pictures the define "motherhood" for them. Here are some that mean the most to me....
For anyone that doesn't know, I had a less than desirable birth experience and had to be put under general anesthesia. Here are a couple of pictures from the recovery room as I was just waking up.
My mom. This picture speaks so much about a mother's love to me.
Awake enough to meet.
There is nothing that can prepare you for the exhaustion of the first days at home.
He rarely slept. So when he did, we wanted to take pictures.
The first time he had a really, really bad cold. My heart broke.
At a pumpkin patch, 2007.
Kisses through the bike trailer.
That smile. I can't get enough of it.
Love.Thursday, February 18, 2010
True Love
My amazing husband wrote a heart-felt post in regards to Jack...it also includes an update to his sleep study. I'm copying it here so everyone can read it. :)
I am not much of a writer, so forgive any mistakes & apologies for the length of the note. I wrote this today about Jack and what an amazing child & blessing he really is.
No, this entry is not about crazy times as in fast running. I've still been training, but have been sidelined somewhat by a nasty cold. I managed 14+ (short considering I was over 20 the weeks prior) miles last week with a chest cold that's now a nice sneeze etc. I'm at 7mi this week with my first ever Half Marathon on Sunday the 14th.
This post is more about the crazy times in our lives. I'm stepping back to write something different this time. Something that is always on my mind, and is often reflected upon on my "Long Run" days.
Our son Jack, born in July 2005 was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder by our school district back in August 2008. He received a medical diagnosis back in September 09' from Fraser in Minneapolis.
When you first hear someone say "Your Child has Autism", you really don't know what to think. You're taken back by it. Sure, we knew something with our son was "off" due to some missed milestones, slightly quirky behaviors etc, but we were not assuming anything or jumping to any conclusions. Initially, I'll admit, I was in denial. The feeling of "That's not true" was frequent.
Our Jack is a very special boy, and I love him dearly. There are plenty of moments that I get frustrated (I've struggled with anger/quick temper forever!), but in the end I will give everything for this little boy who struggles every day to communicate with us. Jack is very verbal as far as autism goes, and knows an amazing amount of words. His autism certainly doesn't effect his amount of talking. Jack is very smart, but has trouble communicating thoughts that are his own. Echolalia effects Jack. Defined as "The involuntary parrot-like repetition (echoing) of a word or phrase just spoken by another person", echolalia can make Jack appear quite normal to a lot of people that do not know him, or those that may not understand a lot about Autism. If you meet Jack, and say "Hi, how are you", he knows the correct answer to be "I'm fine" or "Good, how are you". It's a VERY Rare occasion that we'll get an answer that reflects how he is actually feeling. For all we know, he can say "I'm fine", but be reeling inside with anxiety from any number of situations. Most of Jack's responses to any question posed to him are canned, meaning that he'll think for a brief amount of time, then provide a response he's heard from either myself, his mom or someone else. If he doesn't know "the answer", he'll give you a sheepish grin, laugh, or sometimes make an odd noise, or even on occasion, he'll just say poopie.
Jack's memory, both audio and visual is astounding. Take for example, listing to a music CD. One of his favorites is "Church Music", by David Crowder Band. He has had his own little CD player that has since been destroyed by his recent destruction faze. We provided him this David Crowder CD as he really enjoys their music. Within a week of him having this CD in his CD player, he had memorized the track number of ALL 17 tracks on the CD by way of listening to the first 2-3 seconds of any song. Now, w/o ANY prompting, we can play the Church Music album on the iPhone in the car and within 3 seconds of the song starting, he'll say "That's number 10" or "That's number 6" etc. He knows every track on the CD and can give you the track number of them regardless of the ORDER they're played back.
Jack's hearing is amazing. So much so that we think he hears nearly everything going on around him, all at the same time. Imagine for a second that you're in Grand Central Terminal, NY. Thousands of people walking, talking, trains, escalators, cash registers, cell phones etc. Now, imagine hearing all of these sounds at the same time and trying to process them. This is what it's like for Jack. Trying to take all of that in, all at once and process it. It get's overwhelming and can lead to melt down city because he can't otherwise express how he feels in those situations. We're learning as parents that we need to carefully plan outings with Jack and make sure that we talk to him about where we're going, what will be going on there, if it'll be loud or not, if there will be a lot of people etc. Doing this ahead of time can make all the difference in our day. Sometimes, he'll still "lose it", but that may be because he's tired as well.
Jack is also VERY schedule driven. This is common with autism and he appears to fit right into that mold of having to know what's coming next, when, how long. It's a difficult task to plan your days as structured as Jack needs them. There's a fine line between planning every minute of his day, vs. trying to teach him that schedules can sometimes change, or things might be different and that it's OK. We're adapting, and so is Jack.
Another big area that Jack struggles with is transitioning from one thing to the next. Sure, any kid that has to stop playing with toys or stop doing something they're enjoying to do something else will not like it. With Autism, this can be magnified to an extreme in any transition no matter how big or small. Jack occasionally struggles with processing these transitions whether big or small. Sometimes it can be as simple as pulling the car into the garage and going inside. We'll pull in, open the doors, unbuckle him etc and he's simply not ready, or hasn't processed yet that it's time to come inside. We've left him in the car on several occasions and he's done well with coming in on his own after a few minutes.
We have some crazy months coming ahead of us; For about the last year to year and a half, Jack's sleep has gone really down hill. He is up and out of his room multiple times 99% of nights. Sometimes, it'll be just 2-3 times a night that he'll wake up and need us to put him back to sleep, but it can be as many as 10-12 times a night. Regardless of how many times, he is up for the day at or before 5am. We've tried consistently putting him to bed later, say after 8:30-9PM, but that doesn't change anything. He still wakes multiple times and is up and ready to go by 5am. We initially inquired about this with his pediatrician and received the "maybe he doesn't need that much sleep" speech. After a couple times of mentioning sleep issues, it was suggested that we try melatonin for him. Melatonin is an over the counter regulator of serotonin. This would help Jack fall asleep quickly, but even with doses over 3mg, he wouldn't sleep consistently, or any later than 5am. Finally after a year of asking about it, his doctor put in a referral for a "sleep study" at MayoClinic in Rochester, MN.
This sleep study just occurred overnight on 2.9.2k10. Getting any child hooked up to more than 30 EEG sensors would be difficult, but factor in Autism and it's that much tougher. The AMAZING part of getting hooked up was that Jack was a TROOPER. His anxiety was obviously elevated, but he did a great job of letting them put sensors/glue/tape all over his head, legs, face, chin etc. He's one tough dude! I probably would've pitched a bigger fit than he did. Only one of us was allowed to stay overnight with him, and Stephanie decided she would do it. She is so amazing with Jack. Patience, compassion, kindness...you name it, she's all over it.
The morning after his sleep study was the follow up with the sleep doctor(s). This was probably the hardest morning we've had..even more so than hearing "Your son has Autism". We met with the doctors and in the beginning it was seeming like everything was good. Jack's oxygen while sleeping was good, heart rate was great, sleep/wake cycles are fine. The answer we got about why he might not sleep that well wasn't what we were expecting. They believe it may be due in large part to an attachment issue & Jack being so anxious all the time. Jack has ALWAYS slept in his own crib, bed etc, but they think that due to his anxiety levels, he may hit a "wake cycle" and get worried that we're not here or something, so then he has to come downstairs, realize that we're there, get put back to bed, and go back to sleep for a another couple hours or so. Repeat this process until 5am and then it's time to get up for the day.
It's what came after that explanation that totally threw us off. The doctor explained that Jack has an exceptional amount of brain "misfires" while he is sleeping. This occurs on the left side of his brain and was very frequent while sleeping. Then, it hurt more..the word seizure came out of the doctors mouth. She said the type of activity he's having in his brain while sleeping is prone/related to seizures. She advised that while he didn't have a seizure during the sleep study, it's likely that he's had several seizures of a non-clinical variety..meaning that we may never see them happening, and that he isn't convulsing etc, but that there is something going on that needs addressed. Immediately, it clicked with me that we've probably witnessed our son having a seizure on several occasions. Jack has these periods of 30 seconds to 1 minute where no matter what we do, we can't get his attention. He'll just sort of sit there, starting off into space and nothing seems to rouse him from that. Then, all of a sudden we'll get his attention and he's back to his usual self. Seizure? Who knows...but we're determined to find out!
It was with that, we learned that within the next month, he'll be having an MRI of his brain focusing on seizure something or other, and for that he would need to be put to sleep because it can take about an hour for a child to go through the process, and he would NEVER lay that STILL for THAT LONG. He also has to have another EEG, but this time it'll be while he's awake, not sleeping. Hopefully he does just as well this time with getting all the sensors hooked up. Once those appointments are done, we'll meet with a neurologist to review results and go from there.
In the meantime, we moved Jack's bedroom back downstairs next to our room, and will be on our toes even more now watching for any signs that something is wrong.
All of these struggles and trials aside, he is one amazing child, and is truly a gift to us. Through his Preschool, speech and occupational therapy, we're learning a lot about who he is. We're learning to work with him, and help him communicate his needs and true feelings to us. It's a long road, but we wouldn't trade it for anything.
I am not much of a writer, so forgive any mistakes & apologies for the length of the note. I wrote this today about Jack and what an amazing child & blessing he really is.
No, this entry is not about crazy times as in fast running. I've still been training, but have been sidelined somewhat by a nasty cold. I managed 14+ (short considering I was over 20 the weeks prior) miles last week with a chest cold that's now a nice sneeze etc. I'm at 7mi this week with my first ever Half Marathon on Sunday the 14th.
This post is more about the crazy times in our lives. I'm stepping back to write something different this time. Something that is always on my mind, and is often reflected upon on my "Long Run" days.
Our son Jack, born in July 2005 was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder by our school district back in August 2008. He received a medical diagnosis back in September 09' from Fraser in Minneapolis.
When you first hear someone say "Your Child has Autism", you really don't know what to think. You're taken back by it. Sure, we knew something with our son was "off" due to some missed milestones, slightly quirky behaviors etc, but we were not assuming anything or jumping to any conclusions. Initially, I'll admit, I was in denial. The feeling of "That's not true" was frequent.
Our Jack is a very special boy, and I love him dearly. There are plenty of moments that I get frustrated (I've struggled with anger/quick temper forever!), but in the end I will give everything for this little boy who struggles every day to communicate with us. Jack is very verbal as far as autism goes, and knows an amazing amount of words. His autism certainly doesn't effect his amount of talking. Jack is very smart, but has trouble communicating thoughts that are his own. Echolalia effects Jack. Defined as "The involuntary parrot-like repetition (echoing) of a word or phrase just spoken by another person", echolalia can make Jack appear quite normal to a lot of people that do not know him, or those that may not understand a lot about Autism. If you meet Jack, and say "Hi, how are you", he knows the correct answer to be "I'm fine" or "Good, how are you". It's a VERY Rare occasion that we'll get an answer that reflects how he is actually feeling. For all we know, he can say "I'm fine", but be reeling inside with anxiety from any number of situations. Most of Jack's responses to any question posed to him are canned, meaning that he'll think for a brief amount of time, then provide a response he's heard from either myself, his mom or someone else. If he doesn't know "the answer", he'll give you a sheepish grin, laugh, or sometimes make an odd noise, or even on occasion, he'll just say poopie.
Jack's memory, both audio and visual is astounding. Take for example, listing to a music CD. One of his favorites is "Church Music", by David Crowder Band. He has had his own little CD player that has since been destroyed by his recent destruction faze. We provided him this David Crowder CD as he really enjoys their music. Within a week of him having this CD in his CD player, he had memorized the track number of ALL 17 tracks on the CD by way of listening to the first 2-3 seconds of any song. Now, w/o ANY prompting, we can play the Church Music album on the iPhone in the car and within 3 seconds of the song starting, he'll say "That's number 10" or "That's number 6" etc. He knows every track on the CD and can give you the track number of them regardless of the ORDER they're played back.
Jack's hearing is amazing. So much so that we think he hears nearly everything going on around him, all at the same time. Imagine for a second that you're in Grand Central Terminal, NY. Thousands of people walking, talking, trains, escalators, cash registers, cell phones etc. Now, imagine hearing all of these sounds at the same time and trying to process them. This is what it's like for Jack. Trying to take all of that in, all at once and process it. It get's overwhelming and can lead to melt down city because he can't otherwise express how he feels in those situations. We're learning as parents that we need to carefully plan outings with Jack and make sure that we talk to him about where we're going, what will be going on there, if it'll be loud or not, if there will be a lot of people etc. Doing this ahead of time can make all the difference in our day. Sometimes, he'll still "lose it", but that may be because he's tired as well.
Jack is also VERY schedule driven. This is common with autism and he appears to fit right into that mold of having to know what's coming next, when, how long. It's a difficult task to plan your days as structured as Jack needs them. There's a fine line between planning every minute of his day, vs. trying to teach him that schedules can sometimes change, or things might be different and that it's OK. We're adapting, and so is Jack.
Another big area that Jack struggles with is transitioning from one thing to the next. Sure, any kid that has to stop playing with toys or stop doing something they're enjoying to do something else will not like it. With Autism, this can be magnified to an extreme in any transition no matter how big or small. Jack occasionally struggles with processing these transitions whether big or small. Sometimes it can be as simple as pulling the car into the garage and going inside. We'll pull in, open the doors, unbuckle him etc and he's simply not ready, or hasn't processed yet that it's time to come inside. We've left him in the car on several occasions and he's done well with coming in on his own after a few minutes.
We have some crazy months coming ahead of us; For about the last year to year and a half, Jack's sleep has gone really down hill. He is up and out of his room multiple times 99% of nights. Sometimes, it'll be just 2-3 times a night that he'll wake up and need us to put him back to sleep, but it can be as many as 10-12 times a night. Regardless of how many times, he is up for the day at or before 5am. We've tried consistently putting him to bed later, say after 8:30-9PM, but that doesn't change anything. He still wakes multiple times and is up and ready to go by 5am. We initially inquired about this with his pediatrician and received the "maybe he doesn't need that much sleep" speech. After a couple times of mentioning sleep issues, it was suggested that we try melatonin for him. Melatonin is an over the counter regulator of serotonin. This would help Jack fall asleep quickly, but even with doses over 3mg, he wouldn't sleep consistently, or any later than 5am. Finally after a year of asking about it, his doctor put in a referral for a "sleep study" at MayoClinic in Rochester, MN.
This sleep study just occurred overnight on 2.9.2k10. Getting any child hooked up to more than 30 EEG sensors would be difficult, but factor in Autism and it's that much tougher. The AMAZING part of getting hooked up was that Jack was a TROOPER. His anxiety was obviously elevated, but he did a great job of letting them put sensors/glue/tape all over his head, legs, face, chin etc. He's one tough dude! I probably would've pitched a bigger fit than he did. Only one of us was allowed to stay overnight with him, and Stephanie decided she would do it. She is so amazing with Jack. Patience, compassion, kindness...you name it, she's all over it.
The morning after his sleep study was the follow up with the sleep doctor(s). This was probably the hardest morning we've had..even more so than hearing "Your son has Autism". We met with the doctors and in the beginning it was seeming like everything was good. Jack's oxygen while sleeping was good, heart rate was great, sleep/wake cycles are fine. The answer we got about why he might not sleep that well wasn't what we were expecting. They believe it may be due in large part to an attachment issue & Jack being so anxious all the time. Jack has ALWAYS slept in his own crib, bed etc, but they think that due to his anxiety levels, he may hit a "wake cycle" and get worried that we're not here or something, so then he has to come downstairs, realize that we're there, get put back to bed, and go back to sleep for a another couple hours or so. Repeat this process until 5am and then it's time to get up for the day.
It's what came after that explanation that totally threw us off. The doctor explained that Jack has an exceptional amount of brain "misfires" while he is sleeping. This occurs on the left side of his brain and was very frequent while sleeping. Then, it hurt more..the word seizure came out of the doctors mouth. She said the type of activity he's having in his brain while sleeping is prone/related to seizures. She advised that while he didn't have a seizure during the sleep study, it's likely that he's had several seizures of a non-clinical variety..meaning that we may never see them happening, and that he isn't convulsing etc, but that there is something going on that needs addressed. Immediately, it clicked with me that we've probably witnessed our son having a seizure on several occasions. Jack has these periods of 30 seconds to 1 minute where no matter what we do, we can't get his attention. He'll just sort of sit there, starting off into space and nothing seems to rouse him from that. Then, all of a sudden we'll get his attention and he's back to his usual self. Seizure? Who knows...but we're determined to find out!
It was with that, we learned that within the next month, he'll be having an MRI of his brain focusing on seizure something or other, and for that he would need to be put to sleep because it can take about an hour for a child to go through the process, and he would NEVER lay that STILL for THAT LONG. He also has to have another EEG, but this time it'll be while he's awake, not sleeping. Hopefully he does just as well this time with getting all the sensors hooked up. Once those appointments are done, we'll meet with a neurologist to review results and go from there.
In the meantime, we moved Jack's bedroom back downstairs next to our room, and will be on our toes even more now watching for any signs that something is wrong.
All of these struggles and trials aside, he is one amazing child, and is truly a gift to us. Through his Preschool, speech and occupational therapy, we're learning a lot about who he is. We're learning to work with him, and help him communicate his needs and true feelings to us. It's a long road, but we wouldn't trade it for anything.
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